God an Indian giver??

I could feel the heat of the huge fire flush my cheeks red. Many a times since this have I sat at the famous huge bon-fire of IRBC at Sr. High camp, but this time was to be extra special. This night in particular, Pastor Phil asked that all who felt called to missions, come and stand to his right, and all those who felt called to full-time ministry to come on his left side. I stood and went right down to his left side without even thinking twice.

As I got down there, it was pretty dark and I could tell that there were quite a few of us standing there.

 

 How ironic that I should get down there and standing directly in front of me was none other than the Joshua Farrell! “OH no! He can’t see me!” I can still remember the serious look on his face, that determined and set look that he was dedicated to the full time ministry God had called him to, the same look that was on my own face.

I remember walking back to my cabin that night, the stars shining all around. My mom came and walked alongside me. “You will never guess who was right in front of me mom when I went down for full time ministry.”

 

“Who Bethany?” I think she could sense the dread in my voice.

“Joshua Farrell! UGH!”

“Hahaha, wouldn’t that be funny if you married him? I mean you both feel called to full time ministry!”

I about gagged. “You’re kidding! No! I would never in a million years marry Joshua Farrell!”

God sure does have a sense of HUMOR does’nt He? Just a word to the wise (side-note) never say you’ll “never” do something (good of course)…cuz chances are God will see to it that you will!

 

 

As a young girl I had always felt called to go into full time ministry. Me and my siblings, just like any children, would occasionally talk about what we would like to be when we grew up. You know the usual would “pop-up.” The typical: firefighter, vet, mom, policeman (woman). But if dad was ever around at that moment when we would be discussing such high schemes and dreams, he would always ask a simple question that always seemed to prick at my very soul, “what do you think God would have you do? What about full-time ministry?”

 

He asked that so often and reminded us that while it was not required of us to hand our entire life over to full-time ministry, that is something he would have loved to see us all do. He of course wanted us to do God’s bidding especially if that was full-time ministry.

After listening to the “Patch the Pirate goes to the jungle” over and over again I was always challenged with the young boy Samuel at the end.

 

 Patch and his crew visit the jungle to find treasure that was hidden by Patch’s father. While there they meet a missionary to the jungle, and discover that this missionary is rather old and ready to retire, and had prayed ore and ore for a young replacement.

As it turns out they find the treasure and give it all to this missionary. But for one of Patches’ crew members, young Samuel, a monetary gift was not enough. Samuel felt called to be that “replacement” Mr. Missionary had prayed for. And so in the end Samuel stayed. I still get goosebumps listening to that part of the CD.

All this to say that the Holy Spirit used my father and that CD to get me to see that He wanted me in some kind of full-time ministry. At first I thought I should be a missionary. Then as I grew older I felt more called to be a Pastor’s wife.

 

But then I ran into some heartaches in dating, and decided to give up on marriage all-together. In that unsurrendered time, I was worried and at a loss. I knew that God had wanted me in full-time ministry, but if not as a missionary and now that I refused to marry obviously a pastor’s wife was out of the question.

What was I to do?

 

I remember talking with my parents about it. Telling them of my burden to counsel others (which God placed in me while at Faith in the Counseling major). Ironically enough, they talked to a pastor in the area and he said that it sounded like I would make a great pastor’s wife! Ugh! Was all I could say…what didn’t everyone get about my  BEING SINGLE the rest of my life??!!?!? Kinda hard to be a Pastor’s wife if you’re not planning on marrying anyone!!

 

 

MY heels were dug in. But oh how God has a sense of humor! I think you may be sensing a trend in my life huh? I say “no” and God says “go” and I always end up going! And to be quite honest I would have it God’s way and no other! Whilst I drag my feet at first I always come to discover that God’s way is the BEST way in the end…and why would I ever expect anything other than my best from God? After all He gave His own Son!

 

As  a child and teen I always spoke of living out in the country. Having a creek where me and my kids (I always said I would have ten…Lord willing not lol!) could play in the mud and then have a mudroom to come back and clean up in. I always wanted a lot of dogs of different breeds and have always talked about having animals.

Weird thing is, God brought all this to me!

 

 After marrying Joshua we settled into our farm on what I call “Shepherd’s pointe.” How I loved it! There was a creek, we had two dogs, and even ducks and chickens and eventually cats! I hunted whenever I wanted, I snowboarded over all the big hills we had. I enjoyed the ducks…the dogs…the quiet…and the stars! But all that came to an end this past Saturday.

 

I must admit it was very hard for me to leave the farm. I cried over it a few times. But as we drove down the lane that last time, I knew that whilst the Lord had given me my childhood dream, He had also taken it away. How I had blessed and thanked Him when I was living that dream, but would I still bless and thank Him now that it is all over?

 

I think more hard than just leaving the farm was the fact that we left the farm to have no house to move in at all! It’s true at the moment we are homeless and have no idea where we will be living next. For now we live at our church. The Lord has given, and the Lord has taken away, yet still I say “blessed be the name of the Lord!”

He  never brings us what we cannot handle, and He always grows us through it! These things are SO easy to say, yet SO hard to live in light of!

 

One evening before we moved off the farm, Josh and I were lying in bed and he began to go through all of our current woes. Silently in my head I compiled to his list a list of my own woes as well. Suddenly my heart became overwhelmed and I cried. Course, as is my nature I didn’t let on to Joshua, as I didn’t want him to worry.

 

Here I was at eleven o clock at night throwing myself a little pity party. Totally bogged down I fell asleep with a heavy heart.

The next morning I asked the Lord (as I usually do) to quiet my heart and to speak to me through His Word. Somehow He always seems to bring the right passage at the right moment. This morning would be just like that.

I was in Is. 8, and the very last verse speaks of how Israel focused on the earth and all they saw was evil and darkness and anguish…sounded very familiar to me…the night before that’s all I could see! Was the pain and evil going on around me.

Earlier in that same chapter it speaks of the need to look upward to God. That hit me like a ton of bricks! I needed to look up! I was down trodden because I was focused on myself and the wrong in my world at that moment. It was just the “spanking” I needed!

 

Then shortly after that I began to worry about the fact that we have no home and began to be discouraged and upset a little bit over the whole thing. For the past few days I have been in Is. 9 which is all about the giving of God’s Son. And I was gently reminded that even when I have nothing and no one at all I still have Jesus Christ and tht is all that really matters in the end anyway!

 

So to summarize what God has taught me lately (reminded me of):

 

1. He has a sense of humor! Never ever say never when it comes to God and His work!
2. If you are called by God, GO! Don’t be turned aside like I was!
3. The Lord gives and sometimes the Lord takes away, yet do we still bless His name (His name is Who He is and what He does, did and will do).
4. Even when we have nothing we still have Christ! And that’s all that matters!

 

Now to wait and see what God has for us next! What an adventure it has been, and will be I’m sure! When I said “I do” to the handsome and sweet and godly servant hearted man I never thought I would be married to, I said for “better or for worse.” I gave Joshy my right hand and pledged all the strength and resources I had! I didn’t know I would end up homeless, and leaving the farm I had always dreamed of. All for HIM! We do what we do so that we can be better ministers of His to the flock He has called Joshua to shepherd!  I would say this is the “worse” we’ve had so far. It hasn’t been a cake walk! WE have both been tried through this, but it’s also kind of an adventure! I mean we got to stay in a hotel over the weekend (which also marked our 6 month anniversary of being married…so we got to celebrate without even meaning to at a hotel!) Also I mean how many people get to sleep in their office (or husbands?).

 

Honestly I wouldn’t have it any other way! It has given me some extra time to write and to think and to get some much needed things done! It has grown Josh and I and stretched us. If you are reading this Joshua, I love you, and I thank you for being the provider you are! For making sure that we always have someplace warm to lay our heads at night (no it may not be the Hilton…or even the farm…it’s better than that because we still have eachother and more importantly the LORD!). I trust you and I rely on you, thankyou for not letting me down! I love you!

 

Now to my Father in heaven, thankyou that we always have a home in heaven, and that we are just aliens here, just passin thru, so really we have no need to even fret about this silly house business anyways! Thankyou for the constant reminder lately that because you gave us your Son (Is. 9:6 my devos lately) we have a hope that never fades!  I know you have a perfect plan for Josh and I. Lord give us the strength to trust you and to keep serving You. Waiting for Your timing and Your will. Help us to be surrendered to You! Guard us Father and keep growing us! We need you every moment! Thankyou for the promise that you would not ever leave us! We trust and love you!