Thursday, December 23, 2010

My Chains are gone!

This is something that I wrote freshmaun year of college. It is an allegory of Christ setting us free from the chains of sin. May it be an encouragement to you, especially as you consider the great gift that God sent to us that very first Christmas not long ago. That baby, that tiny little boy, was born so that He could one day set us free from the chains of sin that so binded us. What love! If you have accepted Christ as your personal savior you like me have been set free! No longer bound by the awful chains of sin, no longer a slave to the Dark One! Because of that little Babe, Our Lord Jesus Christ, your chains are gone!
I hope that this is an encouragement and a wonderful reminder to you as you read!

Cold chains clink together; the darkness is so thick that one cannot see what is ahead or behind. I can feel warm liquid oozing through the sores on my feet from stumbling along the path all day. Dragging our feet with each step, we walk sullenly. Not knowing what lies ahead or what our final destination will be, we lifelessly stagger forward.

Letting out a sinister whisper, the Dark One suddenly interrupts our mundane lag; he informs us that this is where we will stop for the night. Pulling over to the side of the rocky path, we all begin feeling for a tree to lean against. Finding the tree line we slump slowly against the enormous trees. Moans go up all along the line from the battered lot of us; our legs and feet are cut and bruised from the brutal trail. The shackles, that bind our wrists, burn against our skin from the strain of being linked together with over fifty other people.

As I lean against a tree, my mind races with thoughts of what would happen next. “Will he ever free us?” I wonder. “Will we get the delicious cakes again tonight?” Just thinking of the scrumptious cakes makes my mouth water.

Turning to the person next to me, I inquire if he thinks that we will get the cakes. “I doubt it. He only gives us them a little at a time. Sometimes we go for months without them. I think it is because he wants us to thirst and hunger more and more for them so we will not take him for granted.”

Suddenly, the Dark One heads down the line of chains, toward me. Repeating the same phrase he does every night, his voice, almost snakelike, cackles as he passes each person. “Freedom and all your desires are what I have promised, and them you shall have once we reach our destination. You are in the right; you have chosen the truth and the way. You all will have great riches and blessing.”
I can tell by the groaning of the ones who sit ahead of me that the “cakes” are not being passed out tonight.

When he finally stops in front of me and finishes his speech, I ask him why it is so dark and why I feel like there is still something missing. He promised me only four days ago when I stumbled onto him that I could have everything I wanted. He promised me a better life and so far I have found nothing but emptiness and despair. “All you have given me is darkness and an empty feeling inside. Where are the great riches? Where is the light?” I inquire.

“You have had the cakes; have you not? No one is bossing you around anymore. You are free from your authorities. Are you not?” A cold chill creeps up my spine as I hear his voice. Dejected and alone, with no real answers given to my question, I slump back down against the tree.

Before long, I fall into a fitful sleep. The chains that bind my wrists are pulled this way and that. Causing me to be pulled around against my will, as others ahead and behind keep tossing and turning their bodies. Waking suddenly with a jerk of my chain, I rub my hands against my face, noticing that it has sunken in considerably. I know I need nourishment but not the kind I have been receiving from him.
His so-called nourishment, although tasty, never fills me and only leaves me desiring more. It never fully satisfies the hunger that burns deep within my soul. I know there is something missing. I know that this is not true freedom. But how can I get out? And if I did where could I go?

As these thoughts dart through my head, I suddenly catch sight of a small light on the path from the direction we had come. It looks as if it is moving towards me. I rub my eyes to make certain that I am not imagining it. Sure enough, it is a small light. Just looking at it warms my soul, and yet a sense of awe and great power comes over me at the same time.

As it edges closer, it begins to light up everything around and behind it. Colors – I can actually see colors now! The green grass and brown tree trunks send me a glimmer of hope. All along the road and amongst the trees, flowers start popping up out of nowhere. As the light begins to illuminate those farther down and closer to the light than me, I can finally see what they look like. Their hair and faces are gray. Deathlike, gnarled hands shade their eyes from the blinding light. They look like skeletons. Some reach for the light, while others who have been with the Dark One for a long while struggle at the chains as they try to get away from the light.

I begin to see people on the path. But these people are nothing like us; they have no chains. They are well fed and have beautiful faces. They are people of many ages and all colors; each person is clothed in white. Satisfaction beams on their countenances!

But perhaps the oddest thing is they have a Master like we do. However, this Master is very different. He is not harsh or cold, and He does not bind his slaves in chains. He does not walk slumped over. Having no sly grin but a warm expression, He wears white, and His face shines brightly.
Passing by, He turns His gaze toward me. His brown eyes pierce into what feels like my very soul. I know that He can see all of my short comings — all of my sin. I suddenly feel exposed; I have no where to hide and no excuse to give.

A feeling of uncleanness overtakes me; I am unworthy to even hold His gaze. But instead of sneaking away farther into the woods, something else within His eyes catches my attention. A flutter of hope runs through my ravaged being. I can see love and compassion mingled with divine power and holy judgment. As He continues along the path, the people following Him begin to exit. Starting to talk to some of those around me, they show no judgment just compassion and empathy.

Looking at the stretch of trail before me, I see a girl heading straight towards me. Clothed in a white robe, she looks like she is about ten years old. Her red curls cascade down at her sides. Her face beams with happiness and a joy which I have never seen before. She kneels down beside me. I quickly turn my back to her in shame and begin straining against the chains trying to get away.
As I do this, I look towards the Dark One. He is just a ways off looking straight at the One in white, who had just passed by. I can see fear in the Dark One’s eyes, mingled with hatred toward the Master of all these beautiful people.

The Dark One’s gaze quickly turns toward me, and I can hear a faint whisper slither from his mouth. “Don’t listen to them; they lie. Don’t heed a word they say. You will lose everything and will be miserable. You will have no fun! None of your desires will be fulfilled; stay here with me! I will be back as soon as they have passed on. Don’t go! I hope you are here when I return.” With that he slinks farther into the woods.

“Would you like to be free?”
The girl’s calm voice grabs me. Turning around, I lower my eyes to the ground. “Is that even possible?” I ask. “Just look at me! I’m clothed in black, with chains around my wrists; no one can break them! And look at you clothed in white; you have no chains. You should not associate with me. I do not deserve this attention from you. I am not worthy.”

“You are right,” she replies. “I have no chains, and I am wearing white. I have been set free, but I was once like you. I was once bound by sin and clothed in black as you are now. I know what it feels like to be bound in chains. I know the despairing feeling of hopelessness as one hungers for something more.”

“Tell me then how it is you came to not be like this,” I ask as I look into her emerald eyes.
Her voice feels like a breath of fresh air as she begins to explain. “He unlocked the chains. My master gave me these white clothes; He set me free!” Pulling out a piece of bread from her pocket, she continues. “You look starved; would you like some bread?”
The bread she holds looks so delicious and warm; its aroma trickles from her hand to my nose. My stomach begins to growl. “Tell me just one thing; does it satisfy? Will I still feel hunger pangs after eating it?”

“Yes and no,” she states. A puzzled expression forms creases on my forehead.
“Please explain. I do not understand how something can satisfy and yet leave one hungry for more?”
“It satisfies alright,” she continues, “but you will always want more. That is a wonderful thing because there is always plenty to go around; we never run out!” she exclaims excitedly. Offering the piece again, she puts it before my face. Grabbing it, I take a bite and swallow. Suddenly the hunger pangs cease. At the same time, my heart stirs within me. I am satisfied for the time being and yet still want more.

“What is this freedom you speak of?” I inquire. Her green eyes flood with joy as she begins to tell me all about her Master. She explains how He holds the keys to unlock the tight chains that bind us.
When she finishes her explanation, another question bursts out of my mouth like water from a flood gate. “Would you ask Him if He will set me free?” My voice trembles with excitement. “Oh yes!” she exclaim. Rising to her feet, she skips away toward the path.

I watch her master as she makes her way toward Him. He appears to be kneeling on His knees. I can see His mouth moving; it seems that He is talking to someone, but no one is in sight.
“Master, a young lady wants to be free; she has tried the bread of life and is desperate to be liberated from her sin, guilt, and the Dark One.”
“I have been praying for her. I knew you would come soon; let’s go,” he replies. I can tell by His voice that He is overjoyed at the news, and it almost seems like He is trying to keep back tears from spilling down His face.

It takes only moments for them to reach me; joy floods my being as I watch Him approach. When He stops just in front of me, I bow to the ground in reverence to Him. Stooping down to my level, He lifts my chin and smiles. “I can free you, but you must understand that I will be your master now. No chains will bind you. You can leave at anytime. At any point, you can stray from the path and from my very presence. It is my pleasure to free you, and I hope that you will always stay near me. And should you stray, I will always pursue you, but never bind you and make you come back.” His voice sounds smoother than the rocks at the bottom of a fast flowing river.
With that said, He reaches into His pocket and pulls out a golden key with an inscription: “Paid for with my blood: your justification.”

Suddenly my shackles snap with a loud crack. Rusty, orange dust falls from them as they crash to the forest floor. It feels like a weight has been lifted from me. Starting at my feet, my clothes begin to transform to a pure white. My face shines with thankfulness as my gaze falls on the Master before me.
“Thank you!” was all I could manage to stammer. But before I could gather my thoughts and thank Him more, some other followers of His ask Him to come and unlock others like me from their sin-ravaged lives. My Master quietly slips away with them.

“I am so happy that you are free,” sitting next to me on the forest floor, the red- haired girl giggles with delight. But something about the Master struck me and I need answers.
“Little girl, what is your name?” I ask, tired of just calling her, “little girl.”
“Esther,” she replies.

“Esther, please tell me, why does our Master have scars on His wrists and feet, and why when He unlocked my chains, did they start bleeding? Where did He get them? Why does He have them?”
Suddenly, sadness and remorse pervades her face.

“Because in order to obtain the key that unlocks our sin chains, He had to suffer and die a terrible death. Those holes that you saw were made by nails; He died on the cross to obtain the key: our key to freedom.”
Great grief streams through my being as she talks. Suddenly my freedom became more special to me; my freedom had cost something great. It had been free for me; however it had cost my master a great deal.

My legs spring into action as my eyes dart everywhere looking for the One who has set me free. Finally, I spot Him back at the rock kneeling and whispering.
I sprint towards Him. He lifts His head with a smile as He sees me approach. “My daughter, is there something wrong?” He asks concern dripping off every word. Finally before Him, I kneel to the ground. “Thank you, Master; thank you for dying so that I may be free. I had not realized moments ago what it had cost you to set me free from my chains. Master, you are worthy of all my praise, all my love, and all my devotion. I will follow you!”

Once again, He stoops low and lifts my face to His. “Little child, you have been set free. I am glad to hear that you have chosen my path.”
Turning my face toward the ground, He points out another path next to His.
“This, child, was the path you had been following.”
Looking at the two, I can tell that the one I had been on has many rocks and the one He leads is smooth. The one on the left is wide; but His on the right is narrow. Looking farther down the paths, I can see that My Master’s leads into fields of flowers and past peaceful streams.

But down the path I had been on, I see that it leads through fields of desolation. No grass can be found anywhere. Dry cracked earth, speckled by thorn bushes, is all that is visible. And at the very end, I can see that it would have led to my death in a lake of fire.

“There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the ends thereof are the ways of death,” His voice whispers softly in my ear. I turn to face Him as I wrap my arms around Him. His arms envelope me in a tight embrace. “Now again, I tell you that you have a choice. You do not always have to follow me. It is easy to stray off of my path because it is narrow. Although you have escaped death, you can still wander from me and get lost and hurt. Always stay close to me. Keep eating the bread of life everyday, and stay on the path. One cannot serve two masters; either he will love the one and hate the other, or else he will hold to the one and despise the other. You left the Dark One today, but He will always be out to get you to stumble. You must decide every moment who you will serve. Will you serve and follow me? Or will you stray away with the Dark One? The choice I leave to you, my daughter.”
With that He begins heading back down the path as I and many from the Dark One’s legion follow behind Him.
Not wanting to give up on their master or their sinful desires, still others cling to the trees and to their sin.

“Tell me, will we see others like me along our path?” I ask Esther as I join her on the new path.
“Yes, maybe even soon. You will find that it is a special occasion indeed. The Master has given us the privilege of sharing our story with them and of leading them to Him. Isn’t that wonderful?”
“Yes indeed it is,” I reply taking her hand in mine. “I can hardly wait!”

Monday, December 13, 2010

That wasn't in the script!

It is that moment that every girl dreams of...the moment when a man gets down on one knee and pops the "big question."
We have all seen it done different ways, sometimes in a public setting, other times in a private setting.
But any way that it is done, we would all admit that the best ones are the ones that have taken great thought and effort. And I believe the one that I witnessed last night, was def. up there on the list of the best proposals! You have seen it on tv, but how amazing is it to see it and really be apart of it in real life! Last night was def. a night of firsts!

It all started last spring. I was in a class known as Drama in ministry. And for the final assignment we had two options. We could either make puppets to be presented in the last day of class, or write a children's program. And since I had already told my mom that I would direct the Christmas play for 2010, I thought "why not kill two birds with one stone." And so I decided of course to write a Christmas play.

And I remembered back to when I was twelve and starred in a Christmas play that was written based on a Christmas book ( "The legend of the candy cane"). And so I decided to search for a children's Christmas book that I could turn into a play, and I found "The Christmas Miracle of Jonathan Toomey."
Of course I changed the name to "The Christmas Miracle of Jacob Toomey."

 To give you the jist of this neat story  I like to refer to it as a "Beauty and the Beast" story. It is about an atheistic widower (Jacob Toomey), who is a carpenter, who lost his wife and child and after that became very cold towards everyone. But it does not stop there, a certain widow lady and her son ask this carpenter to make them a nativity set to replace the one that they lost in a house fire that also killed their husband/father, and children/siblings. He relunctantly agrees, and slowly but surely the heart of this man softens. The little boy (Christopher) has a burden for Mr. Toomey to get saved,  and faithfully prays for him and shares Christ whenever the opportunity arises.
Towards the end of the story Mr. Toomey, accepts Christ. And falls in love with Rachel Thompson (The widow/ Christopher's mom).

So as you can imagine as I wrote the play, people were already forming in my mind for these main parts.
I knew that I wanted my brother Caleb to play Christopher, and then I wanted Caleb Gates (sister's boyfriend...now fiance) to play Mr. Toomey and Krista to play Widow Thompson, since they were dating it would make it more realistic then if I were to have say Joseph (brother) play Mr. Toomey and Krista (sister) play the widow. Anyways so I asked them if they would  as I was writing it and they all agreed that they would play the main roles.

And so all spring...and summer...and fall, I was busying myself off and on, fixing grammatical errors, and getting props together. And then began the practices with all the characters. Now besides the main characters (Caleb, Krista, and Caleb) I had at least twelve extra actors/actresses, who were the towns people at the opening scene and ending scene and also singing songs during the scene changes.

So at first everything went well, practices went as well as they could, we had to work without Caleb Gates because he was in Kentucky so that was a little difficult, but for the most part things really started to come together. I mean there were those small "curve balls" such as we did not have proper lighting, but a huge thankyou to my boyfriend Thomas, for supplying us with a curtain. And we did not have all the props that we needed, but again a huge thanks to Thomas for gettting permission from the Faith drama department to borrow some of their props. So while we had these "minor kinks", they all seemed to be worked through and handled well. But it all came to a crash the night before the play. 


So sometimes things don't go exactly as you plan. You can plan and ready yourself as much as you want, but those "curve balls" are always thrown, there is always a surprise around the next bend, and those "kinks in the schedule" always seem to form, sometimes slowly over time, sometimes very quickly.

And for many out there in the world, these "mishaps" these "curveballs" or "Kinks in the schedule" may just seem like coincidence, or worse yet they may just see them as things that just unfortuantely happen with no rhyme or reason. How thankful I am that I know at least a little more than they! I know that "yes" these things are out of my control, but rather they are in the very hands of the One who created me and knows the beginning and the end! The One who loves me and knows what is best for me and only does those things that are for my very good (Romans 8:28).

How thankful I am that I am able to entrust these problems that arise to my Father in heaven. But even though I can do this, I don't always choose to trust Him. You see God has written a script of my life. He has created me, and secondly He has redeemed me (salvation through His son Jesus Christ). And since He has created me and since I have accepted Christ, my life  is under a new Director, and as such He can see ahead, all He gives me is the line and scene that I am on now. I can see what lines I have already said, scenes I have already past, and I can see the lines and scenes that I am taking apart of right now, but I cannot see what is coming...what scenes He has planned ahead.

And sometimes I, as the actor, follow easily, sometimes I am fully surrendered to His script, following His script to a T. But sometimes even though I "follow" it, I still have my own ideas about where my story, the play of my life is going. And when it does not go as I had thought I am tempted to doubt God.
 I am often tempted when things go wrong, to think "why, why would God do this?" and this was the boat I was in this past saturday evening. 

I have been praying for snow since October. And we got a little here and there. But I did not know that the answer to my prayer...would actually come when I would not really want it. But then again it is not about me!
Saturday night we started to really get pelted with the beautiful white stuff, but I was not as glad for it as I had always been, because it was coming at seemingly the wrong time. But who ever said that I was the script writer? Yeah I may write a script for the Christmas program, I may have been the director, but what makes me think that it could possibly go any farther than that? It is so weird because even though God does give us positions of leadership, we still ultimately answer to Him! This is what He told Pilate, when Pilate got arrogant and tried to usurp the power of the Alpha and Omega, and when you put it that way how absurd!
How absurd to think that I little Bethy should control what happens!

John 19:10-11
"Then Pilate said to Him, “Are You not speaking to me? Do You not know that I have power to crucify You, and power to release You?”
Jesus answered, “You could have no power at all against Me unless it had been given you from above."

You see even though He allows us to serve in  leadership positions, we ultimately still answer to Him! And I think that these "kinks in the schedule" were to teach me that God is ultimately in control and that even though I may  "plan" things, my plans are still written in pencil, and God holds the eraser!

Saturday night, the blizzard came, and thus I thought for sure "the play is over" it won't happen! It can't. Then on top of that Caleb, my brother and the main character (the little boy Christopher) got the flu.  And so then I thought for sure that it was over. So as you can imagine, after a years worth of work, I was upset and in inner turmoil saturday night, worried and just at a loss. Thinking "why would God do this? Why would He be trying to hinder us from serving Him and bringing glory to His name through this play."

But God allows these things because He wants to be first and wants to be trusted. We even as humans want and desire to be trusted by others, and how much more so would the  most trustworhty Creator, the One who gave up everything for us so that He could have a relationship with us. Why would He not want to to be trusted by those whom He has redeemed?

He was trying to get the attention of a certain little controlling Bethy, who needed to turn her heart and the play itself fully to Him, and acknowledge that He has total power and control.

The following morning I was in Psalm 103, and read about God's loving-kindness and mercy, and was reminded that even though it seemed that these things were bad, that God is merciful and loving and kind and He def. would never do anything that would not be acutally better for me. And so I purposed to trust Him.

Turns out that the snow cleared off by Sunday evening and Caleb got better, well enought to go on. And Sunday night we had a few more "issues" ( mom getting sick, and breanna as well.) to work through and the play had some glitches. But ultimately it went well.
And God worked it out for good! And I would never have it anyother way!

But at the end, when we were finished and the curtains were pulled, my dad began talking about the play and making apllication to the hearers lives. And behind the curtains the entire cast was high fiving and pounding it with each other, and breathing sighs of relief, when suddenly Caleb Gates said that we needed to pull back
the curtain, and that all of the cast needed to get off the stage and to the sides.

So we scrambled off the sides quickly as my dad finished up with the invitation, then the curtains were pulled back. And my dad asked for all the stars and workers to come up. So we all went up and had a curtain call.  And I was thinking "alright, don't really like this but whatever." Then another curve ball. Caleb dismissed everyone again from the stage, but asked me to stay, and of course Krista was still up there. So then they handed me a gift card for running the play. and again I was like "alright, I don't really like this but whatever."
And then came the FINALE!

Now I may have written this play, but NEVER, NEVER could I have come up with such a great last scene. As I stepped down off the stage to sit with my dad, Caleb Gates began saying lines that I never wrote, lines that he had been forming out of the sincerity of his heart, lines that only God could write and stick in his heart over a period of time. Lines that were not in my play script, but were in God's.

He told Krista that this play that they had acted in indicated that the couple at the end got married, and that he wanted it to be more than acting he wanted to make it "real", and a bunch of other sweetness that I can't remember at the moment, but fortunately the whole thing was taped, so that we will never forget!
 Then he pulled a ring from his pocket and got down on his knee, and right there on the set of the Christmas play in front of our church, he proposed! It was a surreal moment! I mean we all knew that it was coming, but never could have imagined that it would happen like this!


Many tears were shed, amongst the actors/actresses, stage crew, and audience. It was a very beautiful and picturesque moment!

God is so good!  He is the best Director of the script of our lives because He knows the beginning and the End and controls it! So why not allow Him to control and write your story? Your story of love for Him and your journey to Him!

It is well worth it to trust the Only One worthy of your trust!

Friday, December 10, 2010

Coincidence? Or God at work...

Every morning I do my devotions. But that is just it, I “do” them, and  sometimes it becomes "just doing", to get it done. And what a horrible rut to get stuck in! Last week I was in that rut, and to be very honest devotions were very dry. The Word of God says to meditate, it does not actually say “read your Bible everyday” but it does say to meditate. This is more than just reading to get it done, this involves engaging your mind while you are reading, and also involves thinking on it as you go throughout the rest of your day, and it especially involves applying it to your life, because God calls us to be doers of His word and not just hearers only!

There are two kinds of people I believe when it comes to meditating on God's Word.

There are those who:

A. Struggle to meditate. Meaning they don't at all or seldom do. Or those who are not as faithful as they should be.

And then there are:

B. Those who do but who often get stuck in the rut of just doing them to check them off the list.

Both approaches are wrong. My guess is that most of you reading this want and desire to meditate and that you are either case (A), or you are like me and are case (B).

I remember in the beginning of my growing up years my father would challenge me to start having devotions. I would of course agree, and say “yeah I should” but it stopped there, it stopped at the acknowledgement of the need, never going on to the appropriation of that need. There was a disconnect betwixt my heart and my hands!

 Until one day when I was eight years old while in the living room getting some help for my Sunday School lesson from Dad, he challenged me for the last time. For then I made the connection between my heart and my hands! The next day I purposed to do begin having my own personal time with God and from then on have been keeping that time. And at first I fell into that first category: sporadically doing them...missing here and there...not being very faithful.

But how thankful I am that God used my dad to challenge me when I was younger and also that I finally made the connection between heart and hands, because by the time I was thirteen I was doing them faithfully, never missing a day.

But you see then the other category...the other sinful attitude stepped in. The attacks of Satan don't leave entirely, they often just take another form! I may have overcome on the battle field of connecting heart with hands, but now I would fight on the battle field of motives!
Now I find myself not struggling to actually meditate...I find it becoming just something I "do" to check off the list. And this is where you would have found me the beginning of last week!

But fortunately God does not allow His children to live in sin long without bringing in conviction. Last week our campus wide study was on personal time with God. And through the dorm devotional I was reminded of some very important truths, that really struck home. Especially when the RA mentioned that if we were in either rut (A) or (B) that the thing we needed to do was to open up and honestly pray that God would instill in us a genuine desire for Him and His Word.
And the wonderful thing is that if we pray according to His will then He will answer!

And how He answered! I asked Him for forgiveness for getting stuck in the rut (b), and began to daily ask Him that He instill in me a genuine desire for His Word, and sure enough He rekindled the flames and set my heart afire once again.

Devotions this week have been thirst quenching, and I find myself as the deer that pants for the water on a hot summer day . Whoever knew that  parched lips and a dry throat  could actually be good? God truly is faithful in giving that kind of desire for His Word! Just ask!

Throughout His Word there are countless times that we are encouraged to meditate and study and live out the Word of God. But why would we do this?
Why meditate? Because God wants it! He longs for fellowship with His children!

I have a  some questions, these are the questions that I have used on those whom I have challegened to begin meditating. And everytime I have used them the people always grow silent by the end, acknowledging that they need to pursue God!

 How do you build relationships with other people?
The answer:
By spending time with people. By listening, and talking with them.

Our relationship to God is NO different!
We must talk to Him : Prayer
We must listen to Him: Meditating on His letter to us (Bible).

It would be absurd to think that just listening to someone throughout our lives would build a friendship. Can you imagine a friend that always said absolutely nothing to you?  Let’s face it your probably would not be friends for long!
Yes there is a time for silence but not that much, not all the time, communication has to be two-way! Thus meditating on God’s Word is not enough, He longs to hear from us, we need top pray as well.

God wants us to mediditate because He longs for fellowship with the souls He created, the souls whom He gave everything to (esp. His own Son!).
It is good to medidtate so that we build our relationship with God, but also so that we set an example for others to follow, thus brining in more souls to fellowship with their Maker!

Jesus said that man cannot live by bread alone, but by every Word that proceeds out of the mouth of God. What is  the “every Word” here? It is the Bible!
Thus I fear death by starvation! If you fear anything, fear not having a close knit relationship to God, for without it we cannot live! We were created in such a way that we need relationships, but especially our relationship with God. There will be days where you will have nothing and no one at all, except God, but that is ALL you will ever need!
Don’t choose to go it alone!

Having said all this you might be wondering what approach you should take to the Word of God?
I will share with you the way that I meditate. The possibilities are endless, and this is just one, and it is not the one

Before doing the study, I had been just reading here and there for my devos, just trying to find a principle of the Bible to apply to my life that day. This study however taught that I should not look for the principles but the PERSON of the Bible, and by looking/searching for the PERSON I would become more like Him thus the principles would folloI am currently in the Psalms for my devos (have been for more than a two years now...wait it has been that long since freshmen year?? Where has the time gone! haha! lol) Anyways I started two years ago, and it is very slow going! I mean aft...er all I have been at it for two years and I am only in ps. 92!! You might be thinking WHY? Is not the point to get through the psalms??? Well it is slower for me because I was convicted through a Bible study that I did freshmen year, that I had been approaching the Bible all wrong!
Before doing the study, I had been just reading here and there for my devos, just trying to find a principle of the Bible to apply to my life that day. This study however taught that I should not look for the principles but the PERSON of the Bible, and by looking/searching for the PERSON I would become more like Him thus the principles would follow!

And what a study it has been! I began in the psalms writing down every single thing about God that I learned in every verse, every sentence, and then writing down how that applys that to my life. So many thigns have been learned, and there is so much more to God than what I knew coming into this, and I have not even scratched the surface!
"How great are your works, O LORD, how profound your thoughts! "- Psalm 92: 5
You see His works are great, and His thoughts deep, and one of the ways to know and see these things ( His works..His thoughts) is through scripture! Just when I think to myself "Ah-ha! I know everything there is to know about God" ( Though I would never say this out loud)
Just when I think this, God demonstrates the truth of His Word in that "Pride goes before a fall" and He teaches/reveals something new to me about Himself...I get blown away by it..and realize that I am only scratching the surface!!

I do not want to be a foolish man...senseless man for Psalm 92:6 says that I am foolish if I do not understand God's works and thoughts!

"The senseless man does not know, fools do not understand, "- Psalm 92:5

I don't want to be this! I want to be seeking after God, getting to know Him personally by looking for Him in His Word! I want to understand how He thinks ( or at least as much as I can for I know I could never attain full knowledge of Him at least not in my temporary home :earth) but are you not glad that He left us His Word, so we can know Him and that He left us His Spirit for apart from Him we could never understand a single thing in the Bible! Oh the joys that I have that I take for granted and never fully take advantage of!!

"How great are your works, O LORD,



how profound your thoughts! "- Psalm 92: 5

You see His works are great, and His thoughts deep, and one of the ways to know and see these things ( His works..His thoughts) is through scripture! Just when I think to myself "Ah-ha! I know everything there is to know about God" ( Though I would never say this out loud)
Just when I think this, God demonstrates the truth of His Word in that "Pride goes before a fall" and He teaches/reveals something new to me about Himself...I get blown away by it..and realize that I am only scratching the surface!!

I do not want to be a foolish man...senseless man for Psalm 92:6 ( my devos for today) says that I am foolish if I do not understand God's works and thoughts!

"The senseless man does not know,



fools do not understand, "- Psalm 92:5

I don't want to be this! I want to be seeking after God, getting to know Him personally by looking for Him in His Word! I want to understand how He thinks ( or at least as much as I can for I know I could never attain full knowledge of Him at least not in my temporary home :earth) but are you not glad that He left us His Word, so we can know Him and that He left us His Spirit for apart from Him we could never understand a single thing in the Bible!

Oh the joys that I have that I take for granted and never fully take advantage of!! "How great are your works, O LORD,



how profound your thoughts! "- Psalm 92: 5

You see His works are great, and His thoughts deep, and one of the ways to know and see these things ( His works..His thoughts) is through scripture! Just when I think to myself "Ah-ha! I know everything there is to know about God" ( Though I would never say this out loud)
Just when I think this, God demonstrates the truth of His Word in that "Pride goes before a fall" and He teaches/reveals something new to me about Himself...I get blown away by it..and realize that I am only scratching the surface!!

I do not want to be a foolish man...senseless man for Psalm 92:6 ( my devos for today) says that I am foolish if I do not understand God's works and thoughts!

"The senseless man does not know,



fools do not understand, "- Psalm 92:5

I don't want to be this! I want to be seeking after God, getting to know Him personally by looking for Him in His Word! I want to understand how He thinks ( or at least as much as I can for I know I could never attain full knowledge of Him at least not in my temporary home :earth) but are you not glad that He left us His Word, so we can know Him and that He left us His Spirit for apart from Him we could never understand a single thing in the Bible!

Oh the joys that I have that I take for granted and never fully take advantage of!! In fact my devos today kind of have to do with this! Because I learned yesterday that God's thoughts are deep

"How great are your works, O LORD,



how profound your thoughts! "- Psalm 92: 5

You see His works are great, and His thoughts deep, and one of the ways to know and see these things ( His works..His thoughts) is through scripture! Just when I think to myself "Ah-ha! I know everything there is to know about God" ( Though I would never say this out loud)
Just when I think this, God demonstrates the truth of His Word in that "Pride goes before a fall" and He teaches/reveals something new to me about Himself...I get blown away by it..and realize that I am only scratching the surface!!In fact my devos today kind of have to do with this! Because I learned yesterday that God's thoughts are deep

"How great are your works, O LORD,



how profound your thoughts! "- Psalm 92: 5

You see His works are great, and His thoughts deep, and one of the ways to know and see these things ( His works..His thoughts) is through scripture! Just when I think to myself "Ah-ha! I know everything there is to know about God" ( Though I would never say this out loud)
Just when I think this, God demonstrates the truth of His Word in that "Pride goes before a fall" and He teaches/reveals something new to me about Himself...I get blown away by it..and realize that I am only scratching the surface!!
And now I get to the title of this blog! If you are not looking for God chances are it will be very easy for you to “not find Him.” Because you can easily dismiss His work for Coincidence! But remember coincidence is simply God’s way of remaining annonymous! That is what I have been learning this week!

This week God has been connecting the dots as it were! He has been convicting me about a particular sin in my life. But the amazing thing and the thing that warms my heart is the many different ways He has done this, whether from the gentle rebuke and teachings of a certain special someone (Thomas), or His Word!

In fact God spoke through Thomas one evening this week, and the very next day my devotions were about the EXACT same thing! That is not a coinkydink ( Bethy’s way of saying coincidence). It is a reoccuring theme and it is God’s way of getting my attention!

So I would encourage you to build your relationship with God, He longs for people who are devoted to Him ! Hear from Him, let Him speak: meditate on God’s Word, overcome the battle with Satan whether on the battlefeild (A) not doing them or seldom doing them or (B) doing them but with the wrong motive (just to get them done). Then in turn talk back to Him through prayer! I personally keep a notebook of prayer requests but as with meditation there are many approaches to it! If you need suggestions or helps with either don’t hesitate to reach out, your relationship with God must be right, for only then will all other relationships be right!
Then also look for God at work! He is at work like and He wants us to look for Him, don’t be foolish! "How great are your works, O LORD,



how profound your thoughts! "- Psalm 92: 5

You see His works are great, and His thoughts deep, and one of the ways to know and see these things ( His works..His thoughts) is through scripture! Just when I think to myself "Ah-ha! I know everything there is to know about God" ( Though I would never say this out loud)
Just when I think this, God demonstrates the truth of His Word in that "Pride goes before a fall" and He teaches/reveals something new to me about Himself...I get blown away by it..and realize that I am only scratching the surface!!

I do not want to be a foolish man...senseless man for Psalm 92:6 ( my devos for today) says that I am foolish if I do not understand God's works and thoughts!

"The senseless man does not know,



fools do not understand, "- Psalm 92:5

I don't want to be this! I want to be seeking after God, getting to know Him personally by looking for Him in His Word! I want to understand how He thinks ( or at least as much as I can for I know I could never attain full knowledge of Him at least not in my temporary home :earth) but are you not glad that He left us His Word, so we can know Him and that He left us His Spirit for apart from Him we could never understand a single thing in the Bible!

Oh the joys that I have that I take for granted and never fully take advantage of!!
"How great are your works, O LORD, how profound your thoughts! The senseless man does not know, fools do not understand, "- Psalm 92:4-5
Finally I would love you hear from you, about your struggle with devotion to God, and your delights! I love to hear from others about what God is teaching them! So why not open up and share! From the heart of this wanderer to yours

Monday, December 6, 2010

Purposing in your heart

This is a copy of the note I wrote on facebook. I will be posting most of my notes from facebook on here periodically. I hope that this encourages those of you who read and thank you!

Daniel 1:8 But Daniel PURPOSED in his heart that he would not defile himself with the portion of the kings delicacies, nor with the wine which he drank; therefore he requested of the chief of the eunuchs that he might not defile himself."

Ever find yourself looking at others and the sins they have committed and thinking " wow I would never ever do that." ?
And then lo and behold you fall into something similar not too far down the road in your own life?
This has happened to me countless times.

I can remember as a young person i would watch lifetime ( not recommended) and i would see movies of girls who were anorexic or bulimic and would then think to myself " thats just gross i would never do something like that!"
When only a few short years later i found myself in that very same sin.

I have seen this scenario described and lived out time and again. People will look at a sin and say " that will and could never happen to me." And a lot of times they fall into the very same.

Why and how does this happen though? Cause to the outsider it appears when we say " That would never happen to me" that we are in an essence saying and identifying with Daniel in purposing in our hearts not to do this or that sin.
When in reality we actually are NOT purposing in our hearts!
What we are doing may LOOK like that or may SOUND like it but it is not.
Most people when they say " I would never do that" have an attitude of pride backing up their words.

They are not saying that they would never ALLOW themselves to do it they are saying that they are ABOVE doing it. There is a huge difference.

When i watched those movies with skinny girls flashing across the screen doing horrible things to their bodies to lose weight that they did not need to lose , my thought was " I am above that... I am not capable of that."

When in reality i need to humbly realize that yes i am CAPABLE of that ( and obviously was.)
I need to realize that I am NOT above ANY sin!
I have a heart that is so deceitful no HUMAN can FULLY know it and since we know that from the heart is where our actions stem then that would mean that truly i am capable of anything.
So what now? Once we have realized that we are not above sin what should we do?
We should purpose in our hearts to NOT fall into sin.
Realize that we are capable but also at the same time that through Gods strength we can over come Phil 4:13 and 1 Corinthians 10:13.

Funny how if everyone were to have this approach NO ONE would ever be looked down on because of their sin! People as a whole would be a lot more forgiving towards the repentant one . We would all realize that " hey we are all CAPABLE of the very same"!
Romans 2:3 says " And do you think o man that you who judge those practicing such things and doing the same that you will escape Gods judgment."

We are all capable of committing the same sins! I am no better than the rapist in jail! Or the wife who has committed adultery and so on and so on.
We are all EQUALLY guilty. We all stand on the same level Psalm 130: 3 " If you o LORD marked our sins who would stand?"!
The difference is if we are striving to live for God and His glory!
But still realizing that anytime you do not sin that it is ONLY the GRACE of God at work!

So next time I am tempted to look at someones sin and say " I would never do that" or think that i am somehow better than so and so i need to remember that i am only where i am by Gods grace and that i am NOT any better than anyone else.

So lets try to be like Daniel, who was just as capable as every other teen captive in his day yet humbly purposed in his heart not to follow the crowd.

I love the song dare to be a Daniel ( though a simple child's song what truth it holds!). It goes something like this:

Dare to be a Daniel
Dare to stand alone
Dare to have a purpose firm
Dare to make it known.

On the same token of humbly purposing in our hearts we also need to make that purpose known. We need to not compromise. We need to stand fast for the days are evil.
We need to put on the armor of God and actually fight Satan and stop helping him win!

We need to quit letting him come in and deceive us into thinking that somehow we are above certain sins and then a little while later have the well known proverb become a reality " Pride goes before destruction a haughty spirit before a fall." We need to stop letting the father of lies reign in our hearts and yet still somehow think that we are still on the good path. When i watched those films of anorexic and bulimic girls you can bet that I thought myself as righteous and good ( whoa) but i was just heeding Satan's lies and ended up letting pride control me and I fell and fell hard like the proverb said i would! The warnings were there, if only i had heeded!

If only i had realized that even before a sin action is taken a sin of the heart must take place first Proverbs 4:23 " Keep thy heart with all diligence for out of it spring the issues of life."!

If only i had realized that just by sitting on my couch and watching those films and thinking to myself that i was better than those girls, if only i had realized that it all started there!

I used to say that my bulmia was a result of many different things now i know that it def. was not it started on the couch while watching films of those girls and thinking to myself " nope won't ever find innocent little Bethy doing something that stupid ( cause that is literally what i thought i thought that the sin they were doing was stupid now i know it was not but in all actuality it is prideful).

I could have squashed it years before it happened if i had been searching my heart and if i had truly been examining it! But unfortunately i did not and now all i can do is be thankful and help others that i may come across with in the future who may be struggling with the same thing ( thus I feel God leading me toward counseling).
Fortunately my Father spared me from losing my life ( which i deserved to lose). And He chose to keep me here on earth not because i am in errantly good but because HE is so gracious and merciful beyond measure! He chose to forgive me totally Psalm 130:4 " But there is forgiveness with You that You may be feared." Psalm 103:3-4 " Who forgiveth ALL thy sins who healeth all thy diseases who redeems thy life from destruction: who crowns thee with loving kindness and tender mercies."

Lets not forget where we have come from!
Anyone is capable the difference realizing that we are all guilty and are capable of ANY sin but that we have a purpose of heart and that we are striving to live it out!
Dare to be humble Daniels for our KING!

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Apples at the top of the tree..tired of waiting?

As promised to Abby Perrigo this is the “ Apple Tree” scenario.
I got this as a forward on email a long long time ago ( and sadly I never saved it ) but have never forgotten it, its message is so true and teaches a great lesson that I think even you married couples and older folks forget!
Now please let me know if I make a mistake those of you who have read this scenario through email before ( cause I am going entirely by memory) I won’t be offended cause I need to correct it if I am wrong and of course I can’t tell it as good as the person who penned it ( God bless them whoever they are ) so I apologize for my falling short I hope you enjoy despite that.

Now us girls in this scenario are Apples in an orchard who
Boys come and pick out.
But sadly the “ good apples” are at the way top of the tree and most boys are too lazy to come get them ( or too afraid or maybe they have just not taken a look upward) so they take the “ easy” apples at the bottom of the tree or on the orchard floor. And the good apples just stay there growing brighter and better each day just waiting for that good man who is willing to grab that ladder and do the extra work to come and get those good and juicy apples. Problem is those apples at the top grow weary and even jealous of those apples at the bottom who get picked all the time and who have guys even sometimes fighting over them while they just sit there at the top watching all the easy ones get taken.

Sadly this is the way it is with a lot of you girls. A lot of you girls are those really good apples ( or as my dad would say “ gems”) who are just waiting at the top of the tree. Waiting for that good gentle man to come and get you.
And maybe you are getting tired of waiting for that guy, or maybe a guy has taken you from the tree ( has taken that extra work to get you) but then just placed you back up there again.

Either way the point I want to make is what my dad told me one difficult night. This evening had started out a little normal, my parents had gone out and had left Joe and I in charge of the children ( Krista was at a friends)
The phone rang, so me being the eldest answered it. Turns out it was my mom telling me that Jesse liked Krista and was looking to “ date “ her.

Now this first off came as a shock to my family and I because Jesse had never shown any signs that he even liked her. ( it just so happens that this was the exact way that it occurred with him and I too,... he is such a shocker.) Anyway after hearing this I remember mentally telling myself to “ hold it together” because I was not about ready to
cry in front of my siblings. So I held it in ( I was very jealous of Krista at this point cause she had someone “ who liked her and I did not.”) So I as I said held it together until my parents came home.

Then as soon as they came home they began talking about it ( with me and the younger kids).
I remember I started to cry and immediately ran to my room ( I am not one to cry in front of people if I do not have to) and of course my parents came to my room and tried to talk to me. I proceeded to cry and tell them that I had never had any guy like me ( which was true for the most part) and that I felt I would never find anyone… when my dad stopped me in the middle of my selfish complaining and said something I will never forget.
He told me something that changed my whole perspective on Krista dating Jesse and even changed my perspective on waiting patiently for whatever God has for me.

He said “ you know what Bethany, in order to get the blessing of marriage you must give it up first and be willing to be single.” He also said that I was a gem and that I needed to wait for the guy that God would bring along to me ( if he brought one ) and that I needed to have patience.
Boy did that stop me in my tracks. Here I was 15 to 16 years old and already I was getting impatient with waiting ,and maybe you are in the same boat.

Maybe you are tired of waiting… maybe you feel like you will never find that guy that God has for you.
Just remember that in order to receive the blessing of marriage you must be willing to be single first ( in that you are willing to wait for Gods timing and what He has for you because not all people are called for marriage). Remember to “ Wait on the Lord”, and remember that He has a purpose and a plan for you and He will finish the work He has begun in you.

Maybe it is a trial for you to wait, just remember that through this test if you handle it the correct way you will be brought closer to God and you will have more patience.

We do not have much time here on earth in fact in the psalms our time is referred to as a vapor in the wind and just like the casting crowns song says “ here today and gone tomorrow.” We need to remember the words penned by the psalmist of psalm 90:12 “ So teach us to number our days that we may apply our hearts to wisdom.”

Would you want to waste your time on earth in impatience for the future?
Or would you rather do what Paul encourages us to do in the NT
“ Redeeming the time.”

Would you want to waste your little vapor of time here worrying about your future or about something in your life? Or would you rather “ Cast your burdens on God” and trust Him with your future after all he is in control of your future and He knows best.

Isaiah 40:31 “ Those who WAIT upon the lord shall renew their strength they shall mount up on wings like eagles they shall run and not grow weary they shall walk and not faint.”

How often do we forget the WAIT part of this verse? How often do we get bogged down by the worries of this life when we could hand it over to God and could be soaring like an Eagle?
How often do we run for a while and then we begin to worry and then get so tired that we just give up all together and begin to falter?

All this happens because of our lack to “ Cast our burdens” on God, because of our lack to really fully trust God with our future. We say we trust Him but do we really?

Proverbs 3:5-6 “ Trust in the lord with all thine heart and lean not on thine own understanding in ALL thy ways acknowledge him and HE SHALL direct thy paths.”
I was leaning on my own understanding that night that I cried to my parents about Krista dating Jesse. To my understanding I should have already of had a guy and had been dating but I was forgetting to acknowledge God in that area of my life to acknowledge His authority and that it all would be done in His way in His perfect timing. And when I finally learned that God did bring a guy along and it just happened to be Jesse who I thought that I never had a chance with him and he thought the same in fact before we even dated Jesse prayed for a girl like me and that is just what God gave him.

God works in mysterious ways and his ways are “ higher than mine” Jeremiah 55:8-9. And I can tell you that you will have a much more enjoyable time if you would just WAIT for Gods timing in the area of your future long term or short term , our lives are way to short to waste it on worrying about our future

someone has a different conviction than me...now what?

These are some thoughts I had from our upcoming lesson in Sunday school on Romans 14. ( so weird how my bf and i were just talking about this and now we are studying it in SS God works in mysterious ways.... ways i cannot explain.)

In Romans 14 God gives us some principals in dealing with convictions
and the differences we face. All though I have read this passage many times
I have forgotten the principals God has placed here for me to follow and sadly I have not really been applying them to my life! I have decided to record the principals as a daily reminder and for you all to read to.

Romans 14

In Vs. 3 God says that we are to not despise those who do not have the same convictions as us.
Far too often I look down on others like the Amish people ( for instance) who give up what I call pleasures in life and choose the plain life and boredom ( to me that’s how it appears) or I look down on those who choose to wear dresses everyday or sometimes when people have a more conservative stance then me on music I look down on them. When it says here in vs. 3 that we are to not despise them, to look down on them.
When I look down on others in this manner I am forgetting all the times others have looked down on me for the convictions I have…. I need to remember that I need to “do unto others” what I would have them to do to me.


Vs . 3 also says that We are to not judge those who seemingly have lower standards than us.
This is the one I REALLY struggle with ! To often I judge others for
Not having the same convictions as me. I feel like others should hold my SAME standard. But I am forgetting the greatest commandment and that is to love.
I am trying to take over Gods job of judging and the Holy spirits job of convicting and I am neglecting my job to love.
In fact is vs. 4 says that we are to let God judge others.

Vs 5. Everyone should have their convictions based upon Gods calling on their life not according to what other people want ( or do not want). Just like there are different trials for different people so there are different convictions. No two people have ever nor ever will be the same , no two people will even ever live the exact same life nor serve Christ in the exact same capacity or way exactly the same.
So of coarse there would have to be different convictions to fit that so many diverse persons lives and ministries.

Vs. 6 says that we are to hold to our convictions and since God gave them we are to thank Him for them. Sometimes I look at others, and I wish that I could not have a certain conviction so that I could do the same things as they do ( mind you these things are not sinful nor are these people sinning I just hold a different conviction.) but I am forgetting that God has a reason for my convictions and in light of that I need to thank Him for it!
Its just so awesome that God knows me so well and that while now I do not know why or how He will use my convictions and sometimes I wish I did not have them I need to realize that just like a little child who cannot see the benefits of green beans so I cannot now see the benefits of my convictions, but later down the road just like the green beans one day they will benefit me if I follow them as unto the Lord and if I thank God for them it will be so much easier for me to follow them. God knows exactly what I need for the road ahead! Just like my mom always knew exactly what to pack for us when we were younger and could not pack ourselves for a long trip so God knows exactly ( and even more to a tee cause He never forgets that extra pillow or your toothbrush) what we need for the trip of life. He knows exactly what to place into out suitcase for life and what not to place in there.
Just like I was grateful to my mom for packing for me so i need to be thankful to God for " packing for me".

Vs. 11 says that even more important than convictions is righteousness and peace and joy. How we practice these even when others have differing convictions is by remembering that it is our job to love Romans 13: 8 ( I know I know I have said this a lot) and by loving others we would keep the peace and not be a stumbling block to others!!

Vs 13. says that we are to keep our convictions as unto God, and in light of knowing this , I should be spurred on to respect and help others in keeping their convictions because they have made them unto God.

It also says that we will be held accountable to God no one will answer for me
( or even to me) and like wise everyone else you will only answer for yourselves vs. 13. Why then do we judge others when God it is obviously Gods job to judge? What happens to make me want to try to get others to be convicted in the same way that I am?
The answer is this: I have become prideful first off. I am either looking down on someone cause they are seemingly lower than myself cause they hold a totally lower standard ( in my eyes) than I do… or I am looking down on them cause they are holding a seemingly severe conviction that is just totally weird and frivolous in my sight.
Secondly I have attempted to assert God’s job of judging others and the spirits job of convicting and have neglected my only job to love. If I truly loved others
I would never look down on them cause of their different convictions I would also strive to help them keep their own convictions seeing as they made them to God. I love the proverb 10: 12 “ Hatred stirs up strife, but LOVE covereth a multitude of sins.”
Want a relationship cure all? Try love… God gave us one two great commands ( both of which involve a relationship and LOVE!) That is to “ LOVE the LORD our God with all our heart soul and mind.” And to “ LOVE our NEIGHBOR as our self.” Love is the very thing that keeps every relationship together. If you love somebody you would care for them, trust them, forgive them, help them. All those things are needed in a relationship but the only reason why we would ever do them is because of LOVE!


Vs. 18. In this verse God says that we will be acceptable to Him and approved be men. In psalm 34 it says that we are to seek peace and make it our pursuit.
We should want to live peaceably with others in spite of differing opinions and convictions. We should never let a disagreement tare us apart to the point where we do not even love nor show love towards others.

Look at Jesus.. He knew when He chose Judas as His disciple that he would ultimately betray Him yet HE accepted him and showed him love. He also knew that all His disciples would run away and that even one of His closest disciples would deny Him. Yet He accepted them and helped them. How many of us would knowingly accept a betrayer as our friend?? Christ did and still does ( after all He accepted me and I betray Him every time I sin which is everyday.)
If Jesus could show love to all of us in spite of ourselves then why can’t I show love to others in spite of their differing opinions on music, playing cards, going to movies, and you name it.

The thing that I have learned from this passage ( amongst many things) is to let God judge.. let the holy spirit convict and what I must do is LOVE.
No matter what the circumstance I am to love. It did not say that “ You love your neighbor as yourself but if ( and you put in the excuse)” No it has no room for an excuse in there it just simply says LOVE.
Now I am not saying that you have to love sin and condone it but we are called to the SINNER!

This study we have been doing in Romans as a youth group has been amazing God has taught me SO much but this lesson really spoke to me. I love how a customer put it who came into my work today asking me what I was studying
I told him I was reading proverbs “ Oh the book of Wisdom.” Was his reply.
Then he proceeds to tell me that he is studying Colossians. And what struck me was this he said “ Col. Is such a great book there is SO much TREASURE in there I am finding myself just reading it over and over again.”
That really convicted me that perhaps I am reading too fast… perhaps I need to slow down a little. That was an encouragement to me first off that I can even read my Bible and record thoughts that I gather from it at my work. Second that I can even talk to a customer about the Bible and thirdly the challenge of needing to take it slower.
This makes me think of movies I have seen where people find a treasure and they just soak it all in if you will. They stare at it and ponder it and eventually use it to. That is how I should treat the Bible. Ponder on it… meditate… memorize and then use it to its fullest capacity. I love how a speaker at camp this last year put it “ It is not about how many times you have been through the Bible but how many times and how thoroughly the Bible has been through you.”
The bible is one of the greatest gifts God has given us.

If you found a million dollars would you use it? Or just leave it in your room gathering dust? We use our cell phones to talk to others all day and to let them communicate with us but when do we do the same for God? When do we ever let God communicate to us through His word and when do we ever comunicate back to Him in prayer?
In my life it is never enough!


This chapter in Romans ( chapter 14) has so many treasures in it ( as the proverbs and psalms refer to the bible and its wisdom as treasure and as that customer did) and there is so much more there to find than what little I have written here so I encourage you to read the whole thing and let God speak to you.

Lucky charms

This is a paper i wrote in response to a question that a boy brought up in our sunday school class this past Sunday.
I posted it on our youth group website but thought i would share it
with those of you who are not members of it!





Okay I was going to share some of this in class but
There was not enough time so I decided I would put it all here on facebook!

I just love the question Jonathan asked his mom ( and shared with us in class) "Why when we are going through trials does'nt God just pull us out and then when it is all over bring us back into the world?”

While this would be totally “sweet” in most every humans mind
There are some definite problems to this kind of want.

I like to think of good and bad times as a bowl of lucky charms cereal ( one of my favs. By the way). The “ good times will be represented by the “Marshmallows” the bad of course by the “ Oat stars”.
I do not know about you but I would LOVE to have a bowl with just the “Marshmallows” in it!
That would just be so good and sweet and I am sure all of you can agree.
I can remember as a child picking out just the mallows and eating them instead of the oat stars ( okay I will admit I still do that sometimes today.)
But I was forgetting that the oats are good for you. Yeah the mallows taste good
And are tons more enjoyable than the stars but if I ate just the mallows I would
Prolly get high cholesterol and be totally loaded up on just sugar and would suffer some malnutrition problems and things like that, and sometimes I think we as humans are the same.

We would rather have a life full of goodness. No bad times…. No crying.. No fustration... no pain...
Never not knowing what to do in certain situations just a life of pure goodness and no struggles ( does'nt that just sound great??).
And while that would seem good in the long run it is actually very bad.
Look here what James says about “ bad times” in James 1:2-4
“ My brothers count it all a JOY when you fall into various trials and temptations
knowing this that the testing of your faith produces patience.. and let patience have its perfect work and you will be perfect and complete lacking nothing.”

Sometimes we as Christians forget that bad times are actually for our better!
And for our own good Romans 8:28-29.
It is good that we have a mix of both mallows and stars in our bowl.

Another illustration is of a child who is at the dinner table. The meal is meat and green beans and bread with honey. Now the child of coarse eats the meat and bread with honey very well and gobbles them right up.
But the green beans he is a lot less ample to eat, and it takes some coaxing from the parents and he grudgingly eats them once he realizes that he won’t get to leave the table without. Now what he does not know ( at least while he is eating the green beans and probably won’t learn till much later) is that the green beans were actually good for him! Even better than the meat and bread with honey. Sometimes I think we are also like this child. We are going through life all gun hoe just happy go lucky
( eating our meat and bread with honey) and then God throws a bump in the road ( gives us some grean beans) . We begin to complain and throw fits sometimes but what we do not realize is that God is like that childs parents were! God can see that the “ Green beans” ( bad times) are going to benefit us later down the road.

Lets not forget that trials are good for us! We need not skip out on one whole coarse of our meal and just eat the good stuff! ( like Jonathan and many of us wish too) We need a combination of good and bad. But a problem is
Sometimes we look at other people and they seemingly have “ Easier trials”
Than we do and this causes jealousy to build up within us.
But we are forgetting the ending of that verse in James 1:2
“ Count it a joy when you fall into VARIOUS.”
There are many diverse trials. Take a look at two bible characters who went
Through two separate very different trials.
Job is the first and he as we know lost everything ( his sons daughters, livestock, and even his good health)!
Joseph is the second who got taken away from his family and then later was
Thrown into prison for something he did not even do.
Now Job's from a human standpoint is worse than Joseph's trial comparably speacking! I do not know about you but I would much rather be thrown into prison and taken away from my family rather than losing my family altogether.

But we are forgetting that not all bowls of cereal ( trials in ones life) are the same!
One may have more mallows than stars or vice versa.
Some one elses trial is always going to look seemingly easier or better but
God knows what is best for you as an individual. A trying time for me that
Is just really hard may not be what is hard for Jesse( I am using my bf as example) nor what he needs.
As people we are diverse there are no two exact same people on earth nor will there ever be!
That is why there are different trials and varying degrees of trials.
We would not want it all to be the same cause what works with one child does not work with all.

Growing up I was a very naughty child while Krista was a very good child ( when compared to me) we were as different as night and day.
So as you can imagine the punishment and correction for us varied greatly.
For Krista all it would take is for you to look
At her in a stern way or say something stern to get her to stop being disobedient.
I was a much more trying of a child and it took some real force to get me
To obey.

Now by this story I am not meaning that trials are punishment for sin that is not
My point . MY point however is that just like one way of correction worked for Krista but not for me so one trial may work for you but not for another.

Take Job and Joseph again. What did their trials bring about?
For Joseph it was forgiveness and God saved many lives through him.
if he wer To have lost his whole family I do not think that the same result could have ever come about ( cause he would not ever have needed to forgive his brothers
If they were taken like Jobs family) Also Job's trial brought about patience and
Endurance and strengthened his relationship to God.
Joseph’s trials probably would not have worked the same way for Job and vice versa.


The point I want to make is that you must as James said count it a joy when you fall into trials! And you must not get jealous of others seemingly
Easier lives! Cause we are all given different bowls of “ lucky charms”
The bowl you have is the one you need! Be happy with it and handle it
In the correct manner.
Don’t wish to skip the “ Green Beans” and just eat the honey and bread and meat! Be happy that God has given you the green beans James 1:4 “ knowing this that the testing of your faith produces patience and let patience have its
Perfect work and you will be perfect and complete lacking nothing”.

At the end of your trial if you have handled it correctly you will be more
Like Christ than ever before and you will be drawn closer to your father in heaven!
If you have any questions about this paper ( or any questions in general) feel free to ask! I enjoy you guys as a youth group and if any of you are going through a hard time right now just remember that it is for you good
And that I am praying for you all!


Extra verses: Psalms 138:8
" The Lord will perfect all that concerns me, thy mercy o lord endures forever forsake not the works of thy hands."

Trials are things that concern us and here in psalms it states that
God will perfect it complete the work He began.
He won't leave ya hangin!

Psalm:139:1-6

VS. 1-" O lord thou has serached me and known me."
VS. 2- " Thou knowest my downsitting and my uprising thou understands my thought afar off."

VS. 3-" Thou compassest my path and my lying down and art aquainted with all my ways."

VS.4- " For there is not a word in my tongue but you o lord knowest it
altogether."

VS.5- "Thou hast beset me behind and before and laid thine hand upon me."

Vs.6- " Such knowledge is too wonderful for me it is high i cannot attain it."

God knows us better than we know ourselves Vs. 2-4

He has a plan for EVERY part of our lives ( PAST, PRESENT, FUTURE)
Vs. 5 so obviously he would know exactly what we need ( even when it comes to trials) exactly when we need it!

And this great knowledge that He has is like the psalmist here describes it too wonderful and too unfathomable vs. 6! He cares for you better than you care for your self! He knows what He is doing when He gives a trial to you!! So count it a JOY!! PRAISE God for it, and the fact that it is just what you need ( even though at the moment it does not seem that way!)

Hebrews 12:11

" All trials for the moment seems not to be Joyful but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness."

Thoughts on a Psalm

I usually always get some extra reading time in my Bible at work and i write down verses and thoughts that i have to go with it this is just a few pages i have written down and i hope that you find some encouragement from them!




Psalm 103:3-4



" Who ( God) forgiveth all your iniquities; who heals all your diseases:
who redeemeth your life from destruction: who crowneth you with loving kindness and tender mercies."

These verses go right along with my other note that
i wrote on here about my struggle with Bullimia.
I Was headed for " Destruction" ( even death)
when God redeemed me from all that and showed me His loving kindness and mercy and helped me out of that terrible sin! ( you can read my story of His redemption in my life in my other note on here entitled " MY secret").

But even more importantly than redeeming me from my sin struggle is that He has redeemed US ALL from sin !!
You may not have a story like mine with bullimia but if you are saved you DEF. have a story of Gods redemption through His son!
God has chosen to "forgive all of our iniquities "and has " Reedemed us
from our terrible disease of SIN"!

How often do we take this for granted?
How often do we thank God for sending His son?
How often do I thank God for just another day to live?
How often do I try to sit down and fathom how much
God has done for me? and then thank Him for it? We thank people all the time for just these little acts of kindness that do not cost nearly as much as what it cost God to give His only son!

Psalm 103:8-10 talks about how God is merciful and it speaks of His graciousness and how He is slow to anger and how He does not
keep His anger forever and how He has not dealt with us according to our sins. Imangine if He did deal with us according to our sins?
Where would we be?
I can tell you that i would not even be alive right now!!

I feel like the psalmist in psalms 40:12-13 Who says that
"his iniquities are more than the very hairs on his head!"

How often do we really think about how much we hurt God when we sin? OR are we too worried with how we have hurt other people?
Thats my thought when i sin i usually think to myself
well what will so and so think? Well whatever happened to " WHAT DOES GOD THINK? HOW BADLY HAVE I HURT HIM?

But praise God that even though we sin time after time
and even though we are always get too caught up in what people
think verses what God thinks PRAISE Him that He does not hold that against us
and that He has not " dealt with us according to our iniquities."

We sometimes sing that song entitiled "God is so good"
and we usually associate this with children and such
but how much more meaningful does this simple song become
when looking into Gods word we and realizing all the good that
He has done that we far too often take for granted!
I have def. not been singing this song with understanding and in light of all HE has done for me.

psalm 47:7 " Sing praises with understanding." We need to be singing our songs with more understanding and true thankfulness.
I have found that the songs that i sing and listen to that talk about Sin and the forgiveness that we get through Gods son are so much more meaningful to me now then ever before because i am a terrible and Vile sinner ( like alot of the songs talk about) and how God reached down and chose to cleanse me of that and call me His own that is just to awesome i cannot even fathom !

In psalm 68:19 it talks about the "DAILY BENEFITS" that God loads us with! This struck me cause how many "daily benefits do i take for granted? Like clean air.. another day to live.. food.. clean water..
shous ( sounds like a random weird one but try walking without and then you will realize how much you take em for granted) Funny how
usually for us to even realize that we are taking something
for granted is when that something is taken away!! I know i am taking God for Granted on a regular basis and i need to do better at being thankful and expressing that thanks to Him.
This is what God has been teaching me and i hope that this has been an encouragement to you! Thanks for reading!

Prodigal: act one

We are all prodigals at heart, because we were all born with a sin nature, we are all totally depraved. And while I have been rescued from the fire (hell) through Salvation in the Son of God: Jesus Christ, I still wander. I still stumble and fall, and wander off the path. I do this in many ways, and everyday. But there are those "big" times where I have wandered for more than a year or two at a time. And this is one such time. 




Most people upon hearing the word Bulimia usually think of a super skinny girl who makes herself puke to lose more weight that she does not even need to lose, my bulimia however was not like that . Although I really did not even need to lose the weight just like the girl described above , I did not make myself puke instead I went about it in a different way but it is still described as bulimia.
I knew that I wanted to lose weight but I knew that I could never starve myself nor could I ever make myself puke because I cannot even stand the thought of puking but what I did end up doing was just as ensnaring and sinful as both anorexia and the normal bulimia

It started out innocent, I would only work out for a half an hour on the bicycle downstairs every other day. But then I realized that I was not losing any weight that way ( or at least not fast enough) so I decided to begin working out for an hour each day plus on top of that I started eating a lot less than normal cutting out snacks and desserts and second helpings and cutting my first helping in half. I started this in October or November of 2006 I cannot recall exactly , shortly after the pounds began dropping. I started out weighing at a 105 pounds and in just a couple of weeks I dropped to about 94 pounds.
A couple more weeks passed and I found myself at 92. A few weeks thereafter I weighed in at about 89 pounds. Little did I know that what I was doing was a sin! The world tells us that it is just a disorder but it defiantly is not.
In fact bulimia and anorexia are both just a byproduct of a sin that is well known to every one. That sin is Pride, all who have fallen into those sins are just thinking and are focused on what people think of them.
They have turned from seeking Gods acceptance and favor to seeking it from depraved humans. They no longer care as to whether God is being glorified in their bodies but rather if they are getting glory out of their bodies.

Our bodies are the temples of God! How could I have let such a little thing as pride get into my head ( the thoughts of I need to lose weight so then I can gain some compliments) and then let it control my actions ( bulimia)?
I strayed so far from my Father ( God) during those three to four months of my bulimia. 
And if it were not for God working through my sister and my mother and my boyfriend I would have kept losing weight and wasted away to nothing and would probably not even be here today.


I can remember back in January of this year I told my sister about how much I weighed. I chose to tell her because I had not gotten any compliments whatsoever on how I looked and so I thought maybe she would throw me one.
Boy was I wrong. She upon hearing that I only weighed 89 got worried and spilled the beans to my mother a few nights later while I was babysitting.



That night after I had put the children I was watching to bed, my cell phone rang. It was my mother, I can remember her inquiring as to if it was true that I only weighed 89 pounds and of course my answer was full of pride when I said yes, thinking that she would compliment me because she too had lost a lot of weight and she looked really good surely she will compliment me knowing how good compliments were cause she had gotten many for her weight loss. Those were my thoughts. Boy was I wrong!
Instead of complimenting me she went on to talk about how dangerous it was and that I could die if I did not quit. I was so built up in my pride I argued with her and I can remember thinking “ She is just jealous both her and Krista.” Wow how far I had drifted ! I was trapped and entangled in a very dangerous sin and I did not even know! I was to blinded by the sin of my pride! 

My parents grounded me that night from the exercise bicycle . 
Of all things to ground a seventeen year old girl from usually it is not exercising that is most unheard of but that saved my life.
Although my parents grounded me from that I still ate as little as possible without starving myself and I still found other ways to over exercise .
During this time I started gaining a few pounds back even though I was desperately was trying not to. Ir was devastaing for me but it was for the better.
Now I have shared with you how God worked through my sister and how he used my mother but here is how he used my boyfriend.
We started emailing in February even then I was still striving to lose weight but it was not really working I had gained a few pounds then and was up to 92 or so but my mom was still nagging at me to get back up to at least 100 pounds.
I felt like this was an attack , I had gained a few more pounds could she and my sister and father not just be happy with that?
It took my boyfriend to look at a picture and realize that I had lost a lot of weight and it took his encouragement to gain the weight back for me to get to that set goal of 100 pounds . Without him I am afraid that I would have just stayed at only 92 and suffered some severe consequences.


Although I had already suffered some consequences, some of them serious others not so much. I lost a lot of muscle that I had built up the year before falling into bulimia ( which is what happens when you become bullimic or anorexic your muscles deplete even one of your most vital muscles your heart. That is why it is not uncommon for people to die of cardiac arrest when caught in theses sins.) and I felt a lot weaker because of that and also my pants did not fit anymore. But perhaps the worst consequence was the fact that I also drifted and backslid in my Christian walk. Although I still did my devotions everyday and prayed and went to church that sin separated me from my Father in heaven. I felt a huge gap in between myself and God. 

Shortly after getting back up to one hundred pounds I went on the internet and looked up some things about bulimia and anorexia. And that is when I learned the other not so famous side of bulimia.
The way of over exercising and that was when I realized what I had been through was not something innocent but rather a sin. I had always heard that anorexia and bulimia were a sin and not disorder but I did not know the other side of bulimia and so I thought that what I was doing could not be a sin but it indeed was and is. And that sin still affects me today, the way I think , I still have a hard time eating in front of people which is a by product of bulimia and I also always calculate as to how many calories are in the things that I eat.
I still have to be rid the rest of the way of this sin.

Also shortly after getting back my weight I went onto a health sight and I came face to face with how serious my situation had been.
I was asked to enter in my height which is ‘5’3” ( actually really i am 5/5 but i did not know that so entered 5/3) and when it came up with the weight should weigh and it was in between like 108 and 115 and then it came up with the weight of severe anorexia for someone the height of 5/3 and that was 94 pounds. I had weighed only 89 pounds at one point and severe anorexia was considered 94 pounds for someone my height! I was defiantly playing with death and fire.
A teenage girl had died from only weighing 87 pounds she collapsed one day and died ( probably cardiac arrest which I mentioned before). Wow again because I only weighed two pounds less then that! And even though i weighed that had my mom not found out i was planning to continue in my pursuit of weight loss and would have wasted away to nothing. Fortunately God got my attention.


I was so blessed cause most girls who fall into that same sin and similar sins usually end up being hospitalized or worse they become infertile or even worse then that they waste away and die.
I am so blessed that I had a heavenly father looking out for me and who came to my aid and not only did that but He showed mercy and I now stand forgiven for that sin! Boy do I know the significance of that parable about the prodigal son. God’s mercies truly are new every morning. He has so much patience and love and grace and mercy my words cannot even come close to praising or expressing to you how GREAT my God is! He truly guides my steps and he truly has restored and my body and my mind!

What I want people to learn upon reading this is not just about the other side of bulimia nor about what happened to me but I want you to learn the signs of bulimia and how to look and what to watch out for in others around you who might be secretly involved in it and when you do find someone involved in it reach, out to them in love ( Romans 13:8) and help them out of it.
I think many people knew that I was stuck in it but they stayed silent because they were afraid to tell me for whatever the reason. But I am glad that God worked through the people closest to me and I am glad that because of him I am still here.
You will never know how much God can and will use you in another’s life whether through encouragement , through your prayers or even actually through you he can help people out of sin. And it is not that he needs us but that he wants us!
Just be willing to serve our father in every way possible, in every way that he wants to use you. In the big areas such as being a missionary or in the small by helping someone else. 
God can and does use us he just needs us to be willing and to do it his way not ours!
That is what I hope you have learned from this. Not my parents nor my sister nor my boyfriend helped me out of that but rather an all powerful God working through them so the praise does not go to them nor me but to God and God alone, but I am glad that all four of them allowed God to work through them.

Pride is something that I still struggle with, bulimia the by product of my pride is pretty much gone but the pride itself is still there , but with Gods help on a daily basis through prayer and through his word and even through the people around me I know that I can and will overcome my biggest struggle PRIDE.



God worked through my boyfriend to help me realize that I even had a problem with pride. I thought that I was a fairly good person , I am saved and am living for God but pride gets in the way of me being all I can be for God. 
Everyday I am convicted of prideful thoughts attitudes and even sinful actions and emotions that I commit on a daily basis all with pride at the drivers seat of my car.
I know it is wrong and I am desperately trying to turn around and confess and forsake this terrible sin.
Had Jesse not let God use him, had he just kept silent about my pride , and had he just kept it to himself I would never even had known that there was a problem there. So my thanks this thanksgiving goes to God for everything that he has blessed me with which are many , but most importantly for grabbing a hold of my life and for working through people to bring me back to him and for not forsaking me and for his unfailing LOVE , PAITIENCE, MERCY and FORGIVENESS! 

I let my body become an idol! Generally that is what prideful people
Do they let there bodies, things and many other things become their idols.
Sadly I still struggle daily with letting my body become my idol.
But God is faithful and merciful and he has let me continue on for a reason!
.


I wrote this .... around thanksgiving of 2007. It is just a memoir of what I actually went through in the year 2006.
Some of you may be shocked but that is okay. I just hope that you find it in your hearts to forgive me?
Yes i still struggle everyday with prideful thoughts like i mentioned above so please be in prayer about this with me!
Thanks everyone! My secret is out.
I thought i could hide it from everyone ( who was I kidding).
But my God is an all knowing God and he knew and now thankfully many others know and are helping me!

Galatians 6:1-2 " Brethren if any man is over taken in any trespass you
who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness considering lest you also be tempted, Bear one another's burdens and SO FULFILL
THE LAW OF CHRIST."

JAMES 5:16 " Confess your trespasses to one another and
pray for one another that you be healed . The effective fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much."

JAMES 5:19-20 " Brethren if anyone among you wanders from
the truth and someone turns him back let him
know that he who turns a sinner from the error of his way will
save a soul from death and cover a multitude of sins."

Hebrews 3:13 " But exhort one another DAILY while it is still called
TODAY lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin."

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 " Two are better than one because
they have a good reward for their labor, For if they fall
one will lift up his companion But woe to him who is alone when he falls
for he has no one to help him up." 

Thank God I WAS NOT ALONE!! 
I thank Him also that i am not alone now either!