When God calls for a famine

The other night, I was in turmoil within. I have recently surrendered to God, that I will stay single if He would have me, or marry if He would have me to. And shortly after I surrendered, God brought Thomas into my life!

You see for a whole year or two of my life I had been telling God that I would never marry, and this past summer He got a hold of my heart, through a novel I was reading and through friends (though unbenounced to them: Jessie La Fluer, Bethany Moore, and Julie Farrell J ). They influenced me not by their words ness. But by their example! I saw how surrendered they were to God, and envied that, and realized by their light that I was missing something.

But that is another story entirely, which I already wrote a note about entitled (unsurrendered heart). I just posted that one on my blog as well, so you can read if you would like the background to this post J.

Anyways, so I had finally surrendered to God in the area of marriage and singleness, and He blessed me with a  relationship to Thomas.

And well the other night I was journaling to God, and just telling Him about some recent developments in my relationship to Thomas (no new news to God though!). And just pouring my heart out to Him.

All along Thomas and I have been taking different steps in our relationship. And we are now at a place where we are unsure as to where to go next, or even if God would have us continue on.

OH how I long to be able to continue on with Thomas, but you see I wanted it that night SO bad that I was not willing to give it up. God brought that to my attention, and I surrendered the relationship over to Him.

And the reason I did, the reason I surrendered, was because I knew that ultimately, even though continuing with Thomas is currently what my heart desires, that may not be what God desires of me. You see, God’s thoughts are not always our thoughts. Sometimes He leads and opens doors left and right, but at other times He still leads but shuts doors, that were once opened. And I knew that if it was not His will that we continue than it would ultimately be for my greater good that we not continue (Rom. 8:28).  

You see we serve an AMAZING God, who always knows exactly what He is doing. He is not like some child on an anthill with a magnifying glass, killing ants at random, with no rhyme or reason. No He is amazing because EVERYTHING He does and allows to happen has a purpose! I mean sure we as humans have a purpose for doing everything we do, but you see not always do we have the best purpose for doing what we do! But not God! He can be trusted because He not only has a purpose but His purpose is best, there can be nothing better!

And while this is a good reason to surrender to God, because He will do all for my greater good, I was convicted this morning that it is not the BEST reason to surrender to Him!

I read in Psalm 105: 16-17

“Moreover He called for a famine in the land;
         He destroyed all the provision of bread.
  He sent a man before them—
         Joseph—who was sold as a slave.”

This is obviously talking of the 7 year famine in the land of Egypt and Canaan during the time of Jacob and Joseph, the 7 year famine that Pharaoh dreamed of and Joseph interpreted.

And you might be thinking right now: “Okay Bethy, what in the world does this have to do with you and your surrender of relationship??!”

And may I reply by saying hold on, I am getting there!

You see God sent a famine, it states specifically “He called for a famine.” And as I stated before God never does anything without a reason, now sometimes He gives us the reasons, at other times they remain hidden in darkness, never to be revealed until heaven, and so this is cause for us to trust Him.

So we know that God called for this famine, and that He had a perfect reason for it. And during this famine He protected Jacob and his family by sending Joseph to Egypt. And God did not just send Joe there, no He equipped Him to go. We know from the account that Joe could interpret dreams and that he had many gifts that eventually were used later by God to protect His people and the people of Egypt.

You see not only does God have a plan, but He also equips us for that specific plan! WOW! We don’t even have to do anything other than surrender and obey, and even those two things are done by the very grace of God!

WOW! WOW! Sometimes I think, “yea I know how good God is! I know what He does, and has done.” And how quickly He brings me off that high place, and humbles me by surprising me and revealing Himself a bit more and stands back and chuckles at my bewilderment saying “Aw, Bethy…Bethy…Bethy! My prodigal daughter, how I love you! See how you thought you knew everything there is to know? And look my daughter, my prodigal, look how little you knew! And here I have reavealed a bit more, but remember that you are just barely scratching the surface!”

“But Father, when, when will I know you fully?”

“Only in heaven dear one! Until then stick to your task of getting to know me better, remember it is not about what I offer you, but who I AM, seek me out! Keep searching my face, I will reward your diligence, I will shine the light of my countenance on you!”

Now obviously I am not claiming some “charismatic” happening or anything, I have never heard God actually say those words, but it just seems that this is what He is saying to me each time He baffles me!

Anyways sorry for that rabbit trail…now where was I??? OH yeah,

So God equipped Joe for the job and sent Him down there as we read in Psalm 107:17a: “He sent a man before them—
         Joseph.”

And who is that “them” there? Well if we read back through Ps. 107: 11-15 we find that it is Israel (I will allow you to read that for yourselves.)

Now you see God sent Joseph to Egypt, and it says that He became a slave.

 “ He sent a man before them—
         Joseph—who was sold as a slave.”

Now I don’t know personally what it is like to be a slave, but I know that it could not have been an easy thing!

How hard that would have been on Joseph. And it was not just this trial but he had many trials! And really just trial after trial: being thrown into pit/hated by brothers/sold into slavery/conflict with Potifar’s wife/put in prison.)

And we might be tempted to think “why, why would God do all this, allow this all to happen to Joseph, such a devout servant of God’s? Why would God allow this “famine” into Joseph’s life?”

And our first anwer would probably be the one I gave for surrendering my relationship with Thomas to God :Because it would be for the ultimate good of Joseph (me).

But I have been convicted that perhaps this is just the “milk” of what can be learned. That this is just a good reason for surrender, for trials, but not the BEST reason that God has in mind!

And you might be thinking “WHAT?! But we have always been told, ‘trials are for YOUR greater good.” And that is true but not the best reason for sending trials.

Let me recall to your attention Phil. 2:3-4

“Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. ⁴ Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.”

You see life (not even my own life) is not about me! I have died to myself: so now I don’t live for me or even surrender for me, but for Christ who lives within me!
“I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.” Gal. 2:20

Thus my trials, my surrenders, my famines are not just about me! There really is a higher reason for the struggles I face (Joseph faced), the surrenders that I make, than just my greater good, just my betterment. Oh sure there is greater good for me in it, but perhaps this is just a benefit! This is just the milk, but there is meat to be found my friends!

A higher plain to be reached, a higher reason to go through struggles and trials, a higher reason to surrender than just because it is for OUR good as individuals.
You see Joseph’s troubles were good for him yes, he learned from them, but they were not just good for him, but for his brother’s, they learned a great lesson in that, and also his father and family in the area of food, and also the good of Egypt and really ultimately the good of ALL mankind (you and I today).

Because see if God had not provided a leader in Joseph, all of Jacob and his sons would have died.  And perhaps that does not seem significant, but who came through their line? Jesus Christ did! If they had died their line would have died with!

So this famine ( or any famine you have been through or will go through) that you are going through is never just about you and your good, but rather about God and His plan and His glory! It is always so much bigger than we think! So you see I connect it now to my surrender. I surrender my relationship with Thomas to God now, not just because I know that it will work out for my good, but more importantly for the good of others and most importantly for God and HIS purpose and glory!

\For the many in the world, for God I endure each “famine” not just for me! So now I must press on in the grace and strength of God, waiting to see how He will lead in this relationship. Waiting to see what His purpose and glory is all about!

And thus I surrender now, not just because He will work it out for my greater good (Joseph’s greater good), or for Thomas’ greater good (Joseph’s family’s greater good), but for the ultimate good of others (EGYPT in Joseph’s case) and the awesome Glory of God and His purpose ( in Joseph’s case all of the World because of Jesus being able to come through the line of Judah who survived that famine!)

I pray that this has been an encouragement, and if you are going through a trial, take great comfort not only in that it is for your greater good, or the greater good of your family, but even higher reasons than that :for OTHERS AND GOD!

In everything (even trials) do ALL to the glory of God and everything is always to be done in JOY (Jesus Others You)!
 Striving to keep it in perspective!

Unsurrendered heart

Outwardly I was  surrendered to God. I was attending a Bible college; pursuing a degree in the area God has given me a burden for (Biblical counseling). I was faithful in having time with God each day, learning and growing; I was teaching Sunday school and taking the opportunities to serve God when and how I could. I was serving at a Baptist camp as a cook. Of course I was surrendered to God! Or was I??? NO!

There was one area…just one small area that was not surrendered. (Okay I should clarify that every time
 I sin I am not surrendered in some area…but what I am speaking of is a part of the bigger scope of things. The smaller scope is perhaps the most dangerous, the “little battles” (everday sins as it were) as it were, but they always lead to the “bigger battles” ( habitual sins over long periods of time) if kept unchecked…random side note…my apologies).

Anyways, in the home of my heart, all the rooms were surrendered, Christ had access to them all, except for the closet  underneath the stairwell. That I would never let go.
I lived this way for a year. I enjoyed fellowship with God, but I knew that there was something between us( the skeleton in my closet), knew exactly what it was, but was did not think that I could possibly ever surrender it.

No one would know about my unsurrendered heart, unless they asked the right questions, which in fact many did, but no one asked the deeper questions to figure out why. Everyone knew what, but never got the “why” because I was unwilling to say! And those who asked often asked in public, and of course I was not going to reveal a dark heart to a room full of light hearts!

What you say often reveals your heart! Up at camp in the kitchen, all the cooks are girls, so of course as you can imagine the subject of marriage came up A LOT in the two years that I worked there. It was pretty clear that I was going to be single the rest of my life. And I was proud in that, outwardly , but  inwardly I was squirming! How I longed to be like Jessie, Bethany, and Julie! How I longed to be able, like them, to say that I would do whatever the Lord would have me do in the area of marriage. I began to want to say that “yes I will marry” or “yes I will stay single” but felt that I could not.

At first I was glad that it was hidden, not wanting to expose my unsurrendered heart and also my past, I liked the fact that it was all hidden, and that I “looked good” to everyone.
But then slowly but surely I began to realize that I was very wrong, and that I needed answers. But I had no where to turn!

I began to think “if only they knew”, then they would not see me the same way. I felt like I was living a lie, trapped and unable to tell anyone the truth because it would be inappropriate, so I just had to leave everyone to their false assumptions, while I stayed in my guilt…my shell. How I longed to be like all the others around me, good people, clean, right and innocent. I now perhaps no a little what it is like for a new Christian who was saved from a harder life.

Looking back on it I can see that God was preparing and molding my heart to the place where I would be able to surrender “He fashions their hearts individually; He considers all their works” psalm 33:15


! He did this when I was struggling with my eating disorder, He did this when I was in a wrong relationship, and again did this with my unsurrendered heart! Faithful is the Father in pursuing this wandering prodigal, faithful the shepherd who lovingly seeks out His lost sheep, snatching it from the storm and joyfully carries it home no matter how many times, He is called to go out and find it! WOW! What a God I serve! What a Father!

"Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Does he not leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? 5And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders 6and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, 'Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.' tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.”- Luke 15:4-7



What finally brought it full circle was a message up at camp. The man was speaking in the Psalms 4, and was sharing how if there was something in our lives that we were not sure of, did not have the answers to then we needed the light of God’s countenance to shine on it! The speaker encouraged us to pray that God would shine the light of His face on the subject. He also encouraged us to seek someone out, if the need be.

“There are many who say,” Who will show us any good?” LORD, lift up the light of Your countenance upon us.” Psalm 4:6

This is what I needed! I did not know what was good, and this verse said that God is the one who is able to show me what is good! How does He do this? By the light of His countenance!

“For they did not gain possession of the land by their own sword, Nor did their own arm save them; But it was Your right hand, Your arm, and the light of Your countenance, Because You favored them.”-Psalm 44:3


WOW! This was exactly what I needed, it was as if the speaker was speaking directly to me! It really opened my eyes, and I squirmed within myself. I knew that I needed help,
needed to come to the place where I could surrender, but I had questions.

From that evening on I began to pray that God would shine His countenance on the subject, and that He would send someone to talk to me. After a few weeks of praying for this, and no real answers, I began to think that perhaps, I would need to actually seek someone out, versus someone coming to me.

So I began to pray for an opportunity to talk to someone about my unsurrendered heart.
This came when Lynnae stopped by my room one night after we retired from the kitchen. And so I took the opportunity to ask her for a chance to talk to her. She of course said yes.

We never talked at camp (too busy), but after I left and got into school, I sent her an email and she got back to me and helped me to realize where I was wrong.



You see after breaking up with Jesse, because of the wrong and awful things I did with him, (I am not the typical “good girl” that some think I am…..). Anyways because I have sinned,  I knew that God forgave me and has forgiven me for it, but I just did not want to ever have to tell another guy how I have sinned, and I did not believe that there would ever be any guy who would be able to forgive me.

God forgives it is true because He is Holy and loving, but we humans have a lot harder time forgiving because we are sinful.
I was being very wrong in my thinking and really I was not trusting God  and was not surrendered to Him in the area of marriage.
That night after she talked with me about it, I prayed and surrendered to God.

Now not always do things happen this way, but I will say one thing before I go on. God uses our pasts to bring us to where we are, and to lead us on into our futures.
Looking back in hindsight I can see that God was def. leading me along, from the unsettledness in my spirit about my unsurrendered heart, to that message, to talking to Lynnae, to surrendering.

Anyways shortly after a young man (my friEND…that is for you Thomas ;)
asked me if I would be willing to deepen my relationship with him. To make a long story a little shorter, I prayed about it and then said yes. But you see the ironic thing is, if Thomas had asked me not two weeks earlier I would have turned him down just like that, no questions asked…not prayer…no thought to God, because of my unsurrendered heart. But because God chose to pursue this prodigal, because of His faithfulness, I have had the wonderful blessing of getting to know a this godly man, who I don’t deserve!


My heart is constantly overwhelmed, and I am praising God for this wonderful blessing, each day, but I could never come even close to praising Him in such a way that would be sufficient!

My heart is warmed friends, just to see the work of God, that He would not just think of me as a “lost cause”. I have wandered time and again, and He has proven Himself faithful time and again.  He has healed my heart time and again, He has forgiven me and set me free! We serve an AWESOME, loving compassionate GOD!! Nothing compares to Him!

Maybe you are like me, maybe there is something that you are struggling with. Maybe a sin, maybe just a question or even a doubt that you have. Maybe it is an unsurrendered heart, just in a different area or maybe even the same area. Maybe you are willing to get married but not willing to stay single. My dad once told me (this was when I was crying out of jealousy of my sister having her first boyfriend. Wrong and sinful I know, but my dad was gracious and used this teachable moment!)

Anyways he came to my room that night and said “Bethany, in order to enjoy the blessing of marriage, you must first sacrifice it and be willing to be single.”

That changed my perspective, but it goes both ways! God cannot be limited! We cannot say “Yes God” in one thing and “no” in another. He requires FULL submission

 “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me.” Luke 9:23

Where in this verse do we find room to “do our own thing” to “have our own way”?
NO where!
So I would encourage you if you are struggling in this area to seek out help, and to surrender to God!
And for others of you that are struggling with just needed answers, needing to know what is good, what is right, PRAY that God would shine the light of His countenance on you! Pray for an opportunity to talk with someone if the need be. Seek someone out! Don’t be afraid, step out on a limb like I did with Lynnae.

Yeah I had to share some really deep secret stuff, and yes I must admit that I was afraid, but ultimately I do not answer to Lynnae, I ultimately answer to God and He has forgiven! Don’t allow the “fear of man” to stop you from finding the Truth of God!

The fear of man is NEVER good! Only the FEAR OF GOD! And if by chance while you fear God you please both man and God that is a blessing, a privilege, but ultimately you are only called to please God!

SO I would encourage you to seek out the countenance of God! Pray, talk, open up and find someone!

“There are many who say,“Who will show us any good?” LORD, lift up the light of Your countenance upon us.” Psalm 4:6