Yes it is true, ALOT of time can be wasted on facebook! And because of this stereo type many have opted to stay away entirely.
But I think that both ends spending too much time....wasted time, and also the other end not getting on at all, both perhaps are the wrong perspective.
An older lady who I look up to asked me "how do you not waste time?"
And I said that whenever I get on here I make it a point to "Redeem the time." I think that we often think of this in the BIG scheme of things...like we say "OVERALL I will redeem the time."
But I ask why not be specific about it? Like I will redeem the time when I get on facebook...when I am at school...when I am eating meals...when I am waiting in a line...when I am____ and you fill in the blank.
Redeeming the time literally means to "buy it back" how we do that is making the most of the time that God gives us, to use it to bring Him glory. This takes many forms ( encouraging someone....witnessing...studying His Word in such a way that we are preparing to share it when called on....bringing joy to people through our words...gifts...smiles...good attitudes etc.)
But the odd thing is we don't know how much time we have ( this issue I addressed in my other note on here entitled "Dear Bethany I hold your life in my hands-love God" you can read that for more on the frailty/shorness of life).
Since therefore we do not know how much time we have, and since we know God calls us to live every second of it for Him, then that means even every second on facebook!
Thus I have purposed that I whenever I check facebook, I had better be making a ministry out of it.
This could mean sending someone a "hello" or word of encouragement. Statuses are then had better not be about me but rather about God. He died for me, suffered in my place the least I could do would be to LIVE for Him in each and every way possible!
And the amazing thing is, as with every ministry, it has been more a blessing for me than for the people I try to bless!
Take this recent conversation on facebook. A friend of mine on her status asked all her friends to share the hardest time that they have ever gone through and how God got them through ( without that last part it really would not be worth sharing!! Because praise is supposed to be about God not us!)
Anyways I was one of the first one to share...and at first felt that I was "stepping out on a limb" and felt that I should not for I shared a pretty private and hard struggle. And felt that maybe it was too much or that I should not have...but after reading all of the replies I was more encouraged than I have ever been. Like I said often I go into ministry thinking "I am going to get the privilidge to bless people" then often I come out getting more blessed myself then I could have ever blessed anyone else!
So I would encourage you to make facebook another ministry! Encourage, challenge, even witness to people! Hand your account to God asking Him to use it and to give you opportunities then take them as they come!!
Use everything you say on here, for it goes A LONG WAYS! I have had people read my notes and comment on them who are not even my "friends" on facebook! This presents itself as a blessing and a challenge, because I must order my conversations and testimony aright on here! Also I was able to see the stuff ( hard stuff) of people's lives ( as Dr. Newman would put it) that I have never even met! And was able to learn from them, and get insight for future issues that may come up, all because one godly lady chose to use Facebook as a ministry and chose to ask her friends to post their hardest "spot" in life that they had been through and how God brought them through it!
So I challenge you all to use facebook as a ministry as well! Go out on a limb, ask people the harder questions, dig into their lives! And share your life and declare God work that He has done in your life to others!
Funny how just yesterday my devos were on declaring God's works...specifically His faithfulness and His loving kindness
"IT is good to praise the Lord, and make music to your name, OH most High, to proclaim your love in the morning and your faithfulness at night." PSalm 92:1-2
...and my application that day was to do just that.. to tell others of His faithfulness in my life and of His love toward me. Little did I know that I would have the opporunity to do that on facebook! Of ALL PLACES!!! Don't underestimate what God can use! He can and does use all things ( even sin) for His glory!! So open yourself up to be used in ALL areas! Don't think of "Redeeming the time" as a generality...be specific! FACEBOOK: It's a ministry!
So I thank Kim , for asking the deeper questions! For stepping out on a limb, and for "Redeeming the time" by asking your friends to share the harder stuff of their lives and how God worked! What a blessing! Thank you for your example may I go and do likewise!
And I thought that I would share, what I shared on Kim's (friend of my mother's) status, and also the very unexspected reply to my post! This is just an example of how blessed one can be when they step out and try to minister and just be honest and share!
Kim's status :What is the hardest thing you have ever been through (that you are comfortable sharing publicly)? How did the Lord help you through it?
My reply #1:
My freshmen year at college! not only did I deal with getting adjusted to leaving home and going to school and homework and a new job, but we had a hard time with a girl on campus, treating my sister horriblly and on top of that I had a break-up with my boyfriend that caused havoc not only in my own personal life but also the life of my family and even my church family! How God got me through all that is through His Word! I just got up day in and out and He never failed to meet with me each day, giving me the exact "food" that I needed from His Word to get me through that day. I can't tell you or describe to you how hard those days after the breakup were, nor of the great comfort that God gave to me through His Word!
I learned SO much in that time and also even during the relationship. No matter what new "news" came up about the break-up situation, God got me and my family through it and helped us to keep going! That decision to break-up was the hardest desicion I have ever had to make! But How glad I am that God got a hold of this prodigal daughter of His! And for His forgiveness, in accepting me back after my rebellion and also for His grace! And for working in and through my parents! He shone through them! The day after the break-up I woke up and felt that I had lost alot of people (though I gained my relationship with my parents) I still felt that I had lost alot, but then I was reminded of the quote "There will be days when you will have no one and nothing at all, escept God, and that is ALL you will EVER need!" How true this was, and to think that I had to be broken to come to grips with this, but how glad I am that He broke me!
Heidi ’s reply:
I went through a similar situation, Bethany, when I was 19. I was still living at home & I was engaged to a manipulative, possessive guy for several months. It was God who was able to open my eyes and I broke it off before the wedding. H...owever, my rebellion affected many others, too. I praise the Lord not only for His protection, but also that my parents prayed for me and did not give up on me. I learned to depend on Him and wait for His will and timing for His plan for me. The Lord has blessed with me with a wonderful husband, we've been married for 13 years, and He has blessed us with 4 children here on Earth. 2 more await us in Heaven.
I am most thankful for His mercy and grace and His free gift of Salvation that I have accepted. I no longer carry the weight of guilt for my past choices because He's taken them upon Himself. I praise Him for His unquestioning forgiveness and constant love for me. : )
Thanks, Kim, for encouraging us to share. : )
My reply to Heidi:
Heidi, though I have never met you, your story sounds SO much like mine it was like reading my OWN writing! The guy I had dated was also possesive and manipulative, and extremely disrespectful to my parents. He was pushing for enga...gement and marriage ( we had even talked about just eloping and running off, praise be to God that I did not!) my dad would not allow him to get engaged to me
Thank you SO much for sharing! It is such an encouragement to me to know that someone else went through almost exactly what I did, and how God got a hold of you as He did me! And that you too had parents that were faithful in praying for you ( mine were too) and also that they forgave you as mine have! It was good to hear of it from someone who has gotten farther along in life than myself! For I recently came out of that, while you have been out for a while longer.
It was good to hear about what kind of future is possible for me, despite the mistakes I have made.
" I no longer carry the weight of guilt for my past choices because He's taken them upon Himself." ( this is a quote from you)
For the last year of my life I carried the guilt around, thinking that I could never marry because of my mistakes, until here recently when I was able to talk to a godly woman I look up to ( also the women who God used to get a hold of me about breaking up with the guy I was dating). This lady helped me to be reminded about God's forgiveness, even for the awful things I did. And I finally surrendered to God that if He would have me to marry I would or if He would have me to stay single I would.
What a weight was lifted off! I was closed to marriage entirely, becaus eI thought that I had to stay single, so to hear about your story...of getting married and having children, and of learning and growing through such a hard time, it was a wonderful encouragement to me! Thank you SO much for sharing! Your story gave me more hope and encouragement! And I too Praise God for His forgiveness! I LOVE YOUR quote that I copied above! Something that I will need to constantly remind myself of...because even though I know and believe that I am forgiven, the guilt still creeps up every once in a while.
So thankyou for the reminder :)
Heidi’s reply:
Can ya'll give me any ideas-----we have a young girl in our homeschool group that is dating a very controlling guy. Her Mom is REALLY concerned. Unfortunately, I don't know her well-----just see her for a few minutes every few weeks. Are there any things I could say or mention to get her to think hard about things?
Bethany, thank you so much for sharing this. What a difficult, difficult thing. Praise the Lord for His love and forgiveness and that He was there for you during a very difficult time in your life. By the way, I appreciated the "book" :-) very much. It encouraged me to know the details of how the Lord worked in your life during a very difficult time.
My reply to Kristy:
Kristi Stapler, I would encourage you to share what the godly lady shared with me. She saids that I, though 18, still had the responsibility to obey God by obeying my parents. She reminded me that I was not married yet, thus I was still un...derneath of my parents thus eph. 6:1 was still true for me, I was to obey my parents, and she asked me if my parents wanted me to break up. Of course my answer was "yes" and thus she siad that I had to break-up because they are my parents and I must obey and honor.
You have to understand that while I was dating this guy he was so manipulative that he had me totally wrapped around his finger, I did anything and everything he said...he had become my "god" as it were. So of course I brought up countless arguments to this lady. I fought her like none other...thinking that I would win, that she like my parents and everyone else who had tried to talk to me and who had tried to get me to break-up, but she was different. You see I am a very stubborn person ( I am guessing that this young lady is not much different that I? And since I was very stuck in his ways then, I had many many arguments, but they fell so easliy to her truths.
All the lies I shared, that I thought would win, fell SO short when faced with the Truth that she shared from God's Word in that I needed and was required to obey my parents.
She said to me after that night that I seemed like a totally different person, like I had been brainwashed...not quite sure if I had been but it sure felt like it. After the break up slowly but surely I began to think differently, and it was almost as if his hold that he had on me fell slowly and slowly away with not being with him and influenced by him.
So I am assuming that this girl is not much different, and that this will not be an easy task. Prayer is a HUGE factor in this! ( when is it ever not??!! :) My parents along with many people from my church had been praying for me. Also the lady who counseled me had just begun to pray about me that very day, because she had not known how bad it had gotten ( she lives 2 hrs away). And that night randomly my sister called her and she asked to talk to me and what started out as a normal conversation turned to a long counseling session.
I would encourage everyone that knows this girl to pray, first off. Also to be open and stay open to opportunities that you have to talk to her. She may, like me, be very closed and resentful to her parents, thus she may need someone from the "outside" as it were, to come in and counsel and talk with her. That is what it took for me! My parents could not get through all we ever did was argue, and it usually ended up with me crying and just growing silent. It took someone from the outside (this lady that I am telling you about) to come in, and mind you she is more stubborn than I, and she stuck to her guns.
Also you can remind her that if this guy is trapping her emotionally, and mentally ( since he is being controlling) than who is to say that one day he won't trap her physically? It is a living nightmare to live with a controlling man! I know of three ladies that lived this way. Two no longer are in this situation but one still is, and they say it is the worst decision they ever made to marry such controlling men! It affects everything esp. your service to God!
Also I am sure that like me, this young lady has "idolized" her boyfriend. To her he has become "god". Now that I have broken up the song "give me Jesus" and also "I'd rather have Jesus" never fails to bring tears to my eyes, just because it reminds me of the time when I had allowed someone else to control me and consume me besides my Savior Jesus Christ!
There is SO much more that I could share, but I this reply is forever long...I hope that this has helped you Kristy. If you have any questions or need more information or need more encouragement, please let me know! My heart goes out to this family! And especially to this young girl! I don't like to hear of others who are going through the heart ache that I went through but it is especially hard to hear of girls who like me are stubborn and too blinded by love to see the red flags that are apparent to everyone else.
I hope that this has been of some help! And I apologize again for the "book"See More
Ps. Also this girl is not married yet, and thus she is still Biblically underneath her parents ( notice I said Biblically, legally she may be of age...I don't know her age... she may legally be of age to just run off and get married.) but B...iblically she is not under anyone elses rule except God and her parents ( government teachers etc). Thus her parents can make this couple break-up. My parents did not do that, but had I not broken it off when I did they would have, and my cousin, who is going through this as well, has been forced by her parents to break-up. And no this is not easy, the daughter may be resentful may even stop speaking with her parents ( as in my cousin's case) but with paitence and prayer the relationship can be restored.
God can change hearts...we humans doubt this sometimes but that is probably due to the fact that we cannot even see hearts, or know them, not even our own "The heart is deceitful above all things,And desperately wicked; Who can know it?" Jer.17:9 , but God not only knows hearts HE FASHIONS them toward Himself "He fashions their hearts individually;He considers all their works."- Psalm 33:15
. Thus I would say that it would be better for the parents to make the girl break-up, put whatever stops need to be in place, and save this girl from ruining her life but more importantly her realtionship to God!See More
Prayer, prayer, and more prayer. After I finally broke off the engagement, everything that everyone ever said to me: verses, prayers, warnings, counsel, etc., came back to me. I allowed myself to be deaf and blind to the love of so many.... Then, when I listened to the Lord, my ears and eyes were opened and I was SO thankful to those who did not give up on me. Thinking back, I know I didn't thank everyone. I pray that they know how much I appreciate them allowing the Lord to work in their hearts and speak through them to me--even though I was so close-minded and argumentative.
Ultimately, we each must make a choice: serve God or ourselves. If we choose to allow other people or things to be gods, then we are choosing to serve ourselves. This path will always lead to destruction. If we choose to "...confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. Rom 10:9 (ESV) If your whole focus is consumed with anyone or anything other than God, you may need to search your heart and question whether or not you truly are a Believer.
Eph. 6:1-4 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.
"Honor your father and mother" (this is the first commandment with a promise),
"that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land."
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Heidi's reply to kristy
It is very important for parents to be conscious of not fanning the flames and driving their child away. In my perspective, when my parents stopped arguing and "fighting" me, and "resorted" to praying and letting me know that they still loved and cared about me, I stopped fighting the Holy Spirit's knocking on my heart. I then began to notice red flags and recognize the very real faults that both the guy and myself had.
One of those "red flags" was that the guy actually told me he believed an engagement was as binding as marriage. (He still believed this even after I broke off the engagement and my parents and I agreed to meet with him 1 time to "listen" to him. My heart had completely done a 180 and his words actually fell on new ears that purposely let his words go in one ear and out the other!) I cannot believe I actually considered that for awhile!
Bethany, I would like to pray for you that the Lord will continue to give you His comfort and peace as you heal. Also, I just wanted to remind you that the Lord has a different plan for everyone. Even though it was not His plan for us to get married when we had planned to, nor to the person we thought we wanted to marry, there are others whom the Lord planned to marry young. I have a friend who did marry when she was 19. The Lord has blessed her and her husband and their grown children. This was the Lord's plan for them.
I am so thankful that my dear husband chose to marry me 13 years' ago--even knowing (and watching) what I'd gone through before.
My husband "took me as I am", just as the Lord does with us.
We can come to Him and bare our souls, and He will heal and comfort.
Bethany, if He has "the one" planned for you, He will reveal him to you in His will and timing. Be willing to wait, and He will give you the desires of your heart. : ) "Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart." Ps. 37:4
Good-night everyone.
In humble thanks to the One who made me,
Heidi
My reply to Heidi:
Heidi- Thank you SO much for your prayers! I appreciate that and need them! I am content where I am at right now and am just waiting on the Lord to show me what to do ( whether to stay single or get married). But it is such a wonderful thin...g to be totally surrendered to God, in either marriage or singleness! Thank you for your example and for your encouraging words!
One of those "red flags" was that the guy actually told me he believed an engagement was as binding as marriage. " - This is SO strange because that is exactly what my boyfriend was telling me! WOW! And I too believed it...and still kind of did until a few weeks ago when I was able to talk with someone about it and she shared with me from scripture that it just is not true! Thank you for your example and for sharing it is encouraging to know that I am not the only one out there that is/was naive! I was in fact afraid to seek help about it because I figured that people would think that i was daranged or something! Good to see that I am not the only one! Thankyou SO much!
Kim- Thank you for asking us to share! It has been a wonderful blessing in my heart to see what others have gone through and how God brought them through it! The glory goes to HIM!!
So use your facebook, any computer time...leisure activities not just for you but for others! Change your focus from self to God and see what He blesses you with! Live a life of ministry making the most of every opportunity!! You will be amazed at what He can do in and through you!
But I think that both ends spending too much time....wasted time, and also the other end not getting on at all, both perhaps are the wrong perspective.
An older lady who I look up to asked me "how do you not waste time?"
And I said that whenever I get on here I make it a point to "Redeem the time." I think that we often think of this in the BIG scheme of things...like we say "OVERALL I will redeem the time."
But I ask why not be specific about it? Like I will redeem the time when I get on facebook...when I am at school...when I am eating meals...when I am waiting in a line...when I am____ and you fill in the blank.
Redeeming the time literally means to "buy it back" how we do that is making the most of the time that God gives us, to use it to bring Him glory. This takes many forms ( encouraging someone....witnessing...studying His Word in such a way that we are preparing to share it when called on....bringing joy to people through our words...gifts...smiles...good attitudes etc.)
But the odd thing is we don't know how much time we have ( this issue I addressed in my other note on here entitled "Dear Bethany I hold your life in my hands-love God" you can read that for more on the frailty/shorness of life).
Since therefore we do not know how much time we have, and since we know God calls us to live every second of it for Him, then that means even every second on facebook!
Thus I have purposed that I whenever I check facebook, I had better be making a ministry out of it.
This could mean sending someone a "hello" or word of encouragement. Statuses are then had better not be about me but rather about God. He died for me, suffered in my place the least I could do would be to LIVE for Him in each and every way possible!
And the amazing thing is, as with every ministry, it has been more a blessing for me than for the people I try to bless!
Take this recent conversation on facebook. A friend of mine on her status asked all her friends to share the hardest time that they have ever gone through and how God got them through ( without that last part it really would not be worth sharing!! Because praise is supposed to be about God not us!)
Anyways I was one of the first one to share...and at first felt that I was "stepping out on a limb" and felt that I should not for I shared a pretty private and hard struggle. And felt that maybe it was too much or that I should not have...but after reading all of the replies I was more encouraged than I have ever been. Like I said often I go into ministry thinking "I am going to get the privilidge to bless people" then often I come out getting more blessed myself then I could have ever blessed anyone else!
So I would encourage you to make facebook another ministry! Encourage, challenge, even witness to people! Hand your account to God asking Him to use it and to give you opportunities then take them as they come!!
Use everything you say on here, for it goes A LONG WAYS! I have had people read my notes and comment on them who are not even my "friends" on facebook! This presents itself as a blessing and a challenge, because I must order my conversations and testimony aright on here! Also I was able to see the stuff ( hard stuff) of people's lives ( as Dr. Newman would put it) that I have never even met! And was able to learn from them, and get insight for future issues that may come up, all because one godly lady chose to use Facebook as a ministry and chose to ask her friends to post their hardest "spot" in life that they had been through and how God brought them through it!
So I challenge you all to use facebook as a ministry as well! Go out on a limb, ask people the harder questions, dig into their lives! And share your life and declare God work that He has done in your life to others!
Funny how just yesterday my devos were on declaring God's works...specifically His faithfulness and His loving kindness
"IT is good to praise the Lord, and make music to your name, OH most High, to proclaim your love in the morning and your faithfulness at night." PSalm 92:1-2
...and my application that day was to do just that.. to tell others of His faithfulness in my life and of His love toward me. Little did I know that I would have the opporunity to do that on facebook! Of ALL PLACES!!! Don't underestimate what God can use! He can and does use all things ( even sin) for His glory!! So open yourself up to be used in ALL areas! Don't think of "Redeeming the time" as a generality...be specific! FACEBOOK: It's a ministry!
So I thank Kim , for asking the deeper questions! For stepping out on a limb, and for "Redeeming the time" by asking your friends to share the harder stuff of their lives and how God worked! What a blessing! Thank you for your example may I go and do likewise!
And I thought that I would share, what I shared on Kim's (friend of my mother's) status, and also the very unexspected reply to my post! This is just an example of how blessed one can be when they step out and try to minister and just be honest and share!
Kim's status :What is the hardest thing you have ever been through (that you are comfortable sharing publicly)? How did the Lord help you through it?
My reply #1:
My freshmen year at college! not only did I deal with getting adjusted to leaving home and going to school and homework and a new job, but we had a hard time with a girl on campus, treating my sister horriblly and on top of that I had a break-up with my boyfriend that caused havoc not only in my own personal life but also the life of my family and even my church family! How God got me through all that is through His Word! I just got up day in and out and He never failed to meet with me each day, giving me the exact "food" that I needed from His Word to get me through that day. I can't tell you or describe to you how hard those days after the breakup were, nor of the great comfort that God gave to me through His Word!
I learned SO much in that time and also even during the relationship. No matter what new "news" came up about the break-up situation, God got me and my family through it and helped us to keep going! That decision to break-up was the hardest desicion I have ever had to make! But How glad I am that God got a hold of this prodigal daughter of His! And for His forgiveness, in accepting me back after my rebellion and also for His grace! And for working in and through my parents! He shone through them! The day after the break-up I woke up and felt that I had lost alot of people (though I gained my relationship with my parents) I still felt that I had lost alot, but then I was reminded of the quote "There will be days when you will have no one and nothing at all, escept God, and that is ALL you will EVER need!" How true this was, and to think that I had to be broken to come to grips with this, but how glad I am that He broke me!
Heidi ’s reply:
I went through a similar situation, Bethany, when I was 19. I was still living at home & I was engaged to a manipulative, possessive guy for several months. It was God who was able to open my eyes and I broke it off before the wedding. H...owever, my rebellion affected many others, too. I praise the Lord not only for His protection, but also that my parents prayed for me and did not give up on me. I learned to depend on Him and wait for His will and timing for His plan for me. The Lord has blessed with me with a wonderful husband, we've been married for 13 years, and He has blessed us with 4 children here on Earth. 2 more await us in Heaven.
I am most thankful for His mercy and grace and His free gift of Salvation that I have accepted. I no longer carry the weight of guilt for my past choices because He's taken them upon Himself. I praise Him for His unquestioning forgiveness and constant love for me. : )
Thanks, Kim, for encouraging us to share. : )
My reply to Heidi:
Heidi, though I have never met you, your story sounds SO much like mine it was like reading my OWN writing! The guy I had dated was also possesive and manipulative, and extremely disrespectful to my parents. He was pushing for enga...gement and marriage ( we had even talked about just eloping and running off, praise be to God that I did not!) my dad would not allow him to get engaged to me
Thank you SO much for sharing! It is such an encouragement to me to know that someone else went through almost exactly what I did, and how God got a hold of you as He did me! And that you too had parents that were faithful in praying for you ( mine were too) and also that they forgave you as mine have! It was good to hear of it from someone who has gotten farther along in life than myself! For I recently came out of that, while you have been out for a while longer.
It was good to hear about what kind of future is possible for me, despite the mistakes I have made.
" I no longer carry the weight of guilt for my past choices because He's taken them upon Himself." ( this is a quote from you)
For the last year of my life I carried the guilt around, thinking that I could never marry because of my mistakes, until here recently when I was able to talk to a godly woman I look up to ( also the women who God used to get a hold of me about breaking up with the guy I was dating). This lady helped me to be reminded about God's forgiveness, even for the awful things I did. And I finally surrendered to God that if He would have me to marry I would or if He would have me to stay single I would.
What a weight was lifted off! I was closed to marriage entirely, becaus eI thought that I had to stay single, so to hear about your story...of getting married and having children, and of learning and growing through such a hard time, it was a wonderful encouragement to me! Thank you SO much for sharing! Your story gave me more hope and encouragement! And I too Praise God for His forgiveness! I LOVE YOUR quote that I copied above! Something that I will need to constantly remind myself of...because even though I know and believe that I am forgiven, the guilt still creeps up every once in a while.
So thankyou for the reminder :)
Heidi’s reply:
Can ya'll give me any ideas-----we have a young girl in our homeschool group that is dating a very controlling guy. Her Mom is REALLY concerned. Unfortunately, I don't know her well-----just see her for a few minutes every few weeks. Are there any things I could say or mention to get her to think hard about things?
Bethany, thank you so much for sharing this. What a difficult, difficult thing. Praise the Lord for His love and forgiveness and that He was there for you during a very difficult time in your life. By the way, I appreciated the "book" :-) very much. It encouraged me to know the details of how the Lord worked in your life during a very difficult time.
My reply to Kristy:
Kristi Stapler, I would encourage you to share what the godly lady shared with me. She saids that I, though 18, still had the responsibility to obey God by obeying my parents. She reminded me that I was not married yet, thus I was still un...derneath of my parents thus eph. 6:1 was still true for me, I was to obey my parents, and she asked me if my parents wanted me to break up. Of course my answer was "yes" and thus she siad that I had to break-up because they are my parents and I must obey and honor.
You have to understand that while I was dating this guy he was so manipulative that he had me totally wrapped around his finger, I did anything and everything he said...he had become my "god" as it were. So of course I brought up countless arguments to this lady. I fought her like none other...thinking that I would win, that she like my parents and everyone else who had tried to talk to me and who had tried to get me to break-up, but she was different. You see I am a very stubborn person ( I am guessing that this young lady is not much different that I? And since I was very stuck in his ways then, I had many many arguments, but they fell so easliy to her truths.
All the lies I shared, that I thought would win, fell SO short when faced with the Truth that she shared from God's Word in that I needed and was required to obey my parents.
She said to me after that night that I seemed like a totally different person, like I had been brainwashed...not quite sure if I had been but it sure felt like it. After the break up slowly but surely I began to think differently, and it was almost as if his hold that he had on me fell slowly and slowly away with not being with him and influenced by him.
So I am assuming that this girl is not much different, and that this will not be an easy task. Prayer is a HUGE factor in this! ( when is it ever not??!! :) My parents along with many people from my church had been praying for me. Also the lady who counseled me had just begun to pray about me that very day, because she had not known how bad it had gotten ( she lives 2 hrs away). And that night randomly my sister called her and she asked to talk to me and what started out as a normal conversation turned to a long counseling session.
I would encourage everyone that knows this girl to pray, first off. Also to be open and stay open to opportunities that you have to talk to her. She may, like me, be very closed and resentful to her parents, thus she may need someone from the "outside" as it were, to come in and counsel and talk with her. That is what it took for me! My parents could not get through all we ever did was argue, and it usually ended up with me crying and just growing silent. It took someone from the outside (this lady that I am telling you about) to come in, and mind you she is more stubborn than I, and she stuck to her guns.
Also you can remind her that if this guy is trapping her emotionally, and mentally ( since he is being controlling) than who is to say that one day he won't trap her physically? It is a living nightmare to live with a controlling man! I know of three ladies that lived this way. Two no longer are in this situation but one still is, and they say it is the worst decision they ever made to marry such controlling men! It affects everything esp. your service to God!
Also I am sure that like me, this young lady has "idolized" her boyfriend. To her he has become "god". Now that I have broken up the song "give me Jesus" and also "I'd rather have Jesus" never fails to bring tears to my eyes, just because it reminds me of the time when I had allowed someone else to control me and consume me besides my Savior Jesus Christ!
There is SO much more that I could share, but I this reply is forever long...I hope that this has helped you Kristy. If you have any questions or need more information or need more encouragement, please let me know! My heart goes out to this family! And especially to this young girl! I don't like to hear of others who are going through the heart ache that I went through but it is especially hard to hear of girls who like me are stubborn and too blinded by love to see the red flags that are apparent to everyone else.
I hope that this has been of some help! And I apologize again for the "book"See More
Ps. Also this girl is not married yet, and thus she is still Biblically underneath her parents ( notice I said Biblically, legally she may be of age...I don't know her age... she may legally be of age to just run off and get married.) but B...iblically she is not under anyone elses rule except God and her parents ( government teachers etc). Thus her parents can make this couple break-up. My parents did not do that, but had I not broken it off when I did they would have, and my cousin, who is going through this as well, has been forced by her parents to break-up. And no this is not easy, the daughter may be resentful may even stop speaking with her parents ( as in my cousin's case) but with paitence and prayer the relationship can be restored.
God can change hearts...we humans doubt this sometimes but that is probably due to the fact that we cannot even see hearts, or know them, not even our own "The heart is deceitful above all things,And desperately wicked; Who can know it?" Jer.17:9 , but God not only knows hearts HE FASHIONS them toward Himself "He fashions their hearts individually;He considers all their works."- Psalm 33:15
. Thus I would say that it would be better for the parents to make the girl break-up, put whatever stops need to be in place, and save this girl from ruining her life but more importantly her realtionship to God!See More
Prayer, prayer, and more prayer. After I finally broke off the engagement, everything that everyone ever said to me: verses, prayers, warnings, counsel, etc., came back to me. I allowed myself to be deaf and blind to the love of so many.... Then, when I listened to the Lord, my ears and eyes were opened and I was SO thankful to those who did not give up on me. Thinking back, I know I didn't thank everyone. I pray that they know how much I appreciate them allowing the Lord to work in their hearts and speak through them to me--even though I was so close-minded and argumentative.
Ultimately, we each must make a choice: serve God or ourselves. If we choose to allow other people or things to be gods, then we are choosing to serve ourselves. This path will always lead to destruction. If we choose to "...confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. Rom 10:9 (ESV) If your whole focus is consumed with anyone or anything other than God, you may need to search your heart and question whether or not you truly are a Believer.
Eph. 6:1-4 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.
"Honor your father and mother" (this is the first commandment with a promise),
"that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land."
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Heidi's reply to kristy
It is very important for parents to be conscious of not fanning the flames and driving their child away. In my perspective, when my parents stopped arguing and "fighting" me, and "resorted" to praying and letting me know that they still loved and cared about me, I stopped fighting the Holy Spirit's knocking on my heart. I then began to notice red flags and recognize the very real faults that both the guy and myself had.
One of those "red flags" was that the guy actually told me he believed an engagement was as binding as marriage. (He still believed this even after I broke off the engagement and my parents and I agreed to meet with him 1 time to "listen" to him. My heart had completely done a 180 and his words actually fell on new ears that purposely let his words go in one ear and out the other!) I cannot believe I actually considered that for awhile!
Bethany, I would like to pray for you that the Lord will continue to give you His comfort and peace as you heal. Also, I just wanted to remind you that the Lord has a different plan for everyone. Even though it was not His plan for us to get married when we had planned to, nor to the person we thought we wanted to marry, there are others whom the Lord planned to marry young. I have a friend who did marry when she was 19. The Lord has blessed her and her husband and their grown children. This was the Lord's plan for them.
I am so thankful that my dear husband chose to marry me 13 years' ago--even knowing (and watching) what I'd gone through before.
My husband "took me as I am", just as the Lord does with us.
We can come to Him and bare our souls, and He will heal and comfort.
Bethany, if He has "the one" planned for you, He will reveal him to you in His will and timing. Be willing to wait, and He will give you the desires of your heart. : ) "Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart." Ps. 37:4
Good-night everyone.
In humble thanks to the One who made me,
Heidi
My reply to Heidi:
Heidi- Thank you SO much for your prayers! I appreciate that and need them! I am content where I am at right now and am just waiting on the Lord to show me what to do ( whether to stay single or get married). But it is such a wonderful thin...g to be totally surrendered to God, in either marriage or singleness! Thank you for your example and for your encouraging words!
One of those "red flags" was that the guy actually told me he believed an engagement was as binding as marriage. " - This is SO strange because that is exactly what my boyfriend was telling me! WOW! And I too believed it...and still kind of did until a few weeks ago when I was able to talk with someone about it and she shared with me from scripture that it just is not true! Thank you for your example and for sharing it is encouraging to know that I am not the only one out there that is/was naive! I was in fact afraid to seek help about it because I figured that people would think that i was daranged or something! Good to see that I am not the only one! Thankyou SO much!
Kim- Thank you for asking us to share! It has been a wonderful blessing in my heart to see what others have gone through and how God brought them through it! The glory goes to HIM!!
So use your facebook, any computer time...leisure activities not just for you but for others! Change your focus from self to God and see what He blesses you with! Live a life of ministry making the most of every opportunity!! You will be amazed at what He can do in and through you!
May I ask why you said wow?
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